Tuesday, November 16, 2010

And So It Goes

My son Grayson has been Daniel's "mini me" since birth, and there are so many things about him that are like his dad that it sometimes takes my breath away. The way he walks, talks, thinks, the look on his face when he gets very excited, his look of intense concentration....the list goes on and on. Every once in a while I see a flicker of me, in the midst of these giant flashes of Daniel, but mostly I see just Grayson. My funny little guy who is so tender hearted and can make me laugh out loud on a daily basis.

Lately, people have started to tell me how much he resembles me. An old photo of me when I was his age looks oddly like him....I hadn't noticed, but it made me laugh out loud to see his face with my Farrah Fawcett wings and a purple corduroy outfit! The changes in him over the past five years are the biggest indicator to me of how much time has passed. He has lived almost half of his life without his Dad and has doubled in size. Funny how things work.

I force myself to focus on the good things in the past five years. Grayson reads, rides a bike, writes a story, wins a basketball tournament, etc. I try not to add the horrible clause "without his Dad" after every event. Sometimes it is hard. Either way, it is what it is. We're doing it all "without Daniel" and as sucky as that is, we are doing a good job of it.

Happy Tuesday - Michelle D.


  1. I am so glad you have Grayson--helps to keep you grounded and optimistic when "thoughts" get you down. He keeps you looking forward.

  2. Grayson is a living, breathing memory of all the great things Daniel was. I love that he has you in him too -- the sunny disposition especially. Keep doing what you're doing because you are raising a great little person.

  3. I know how it is, both my kids have things that remind me of their father. I lost my mom young too, I hate this for them not to have their dad. But we must move on for them and do it with as much optimism as we can. It has taken me a year to realize we must establish new tradtions of our own. So it is not always about their dad missing from the picture.

  4. Looking at his picture, it looks like you're doing a great job alone. He looks very happy! It too breaks my heart when I think of my children growing up without their father. My youngest was only 11 months when he passed away and has no memories of him. My son will be 14 tomorrow. As he's grown into the man-boy that he is now, he looks and acts more and more like his dad every day. It sometimes takes my breath away because I'll see him out of the corner of my eye and for that one brief half a milisecond, I think it is Bob... As hard and tragic as it is, there are times I feel overwhelmingly lucky because every day I have four beautiful reminders of him. They all have a piece of him in a different way and it is so cool to see that. Even my little one who has no memories of him has some of his habits and characteristics. Keep up the good work!