Saturday, November 27, 2010

It Took

It took 3 years to do it. 3 years to put up the Christmas tree.

The Christmas season has always been a favorite of mine. Growing up, I remember walking down the stairs to those twinkling lights and the warm sense of joy.

I loved the season so much that Michael and I got married on December 23rd.

After he died, the season and everything it meant died too.

Presents, joy, heart screamed "Screw it all."

But this year....3 plus years after Michael was killed, I've done it. I spent the day picking out new ornaments to add to our collection, a new tree skirt, mulled wine to sip on during decoration, candles to burn that smell of apple cider and spice. I even tuned the station to 95.5...Delilah...100% Christmas tunes...and I sang along...i whistled down the aisles.

I've spent the evening decorating our home and feeling that same feeling i did as a child, but with another type of warmth, the warmth of our love that still lives on...stronger than ever.

I'm excited to wake each day and look at the tree..the tree that has no gifts laid beneath it...since the one gift I could ever need is within me....planted by my one true love.

Our hearts grow tender with childhood memories and love of kindred, and we are better throughout the year for having, in spirit, become a child again at Christmas-time.
~Laura Ingalls Wilder


  1. Thanks for this post. Last year we had a great Christmas together. I thought there would be many more. It was his last... I just can't even think tree...

  2. This will be our first without my husband...I am looking for the joy and peace you have found. God bless.

  3. I had a hard time with decorations last year - my first without Elias - but I have two very little girls who wanted a tree.

    I went out to a friend's property and cut down the smallest tree I could find, and cried the whole time putting it up. I didn't pull out any of the other decorations - I had the girls fill the tree with home made ornaments and that was as much as I could do.

    Perhaps this year the tree will be a 'little' bigger . . . . we'll see.


  4. This is our 4th year hanging icesicle lights on the house--formerly something my husband did. It looks nice, but I am sad.

  5. My husband always looked foward to xmas. He would get more excited than the kids. He would love finding presents to surprise us. Xmas was always fun for me to, but last year it was different and a little sad. But I know that my husband would want me to have a great xmas, so I figure I will fake it till I make it. It did get better and continues to improve. I decided to give a gift to organizations my husband supported as my present to him, so I can feel like I can at least provide joy to someone else, during this time of year.

  6. THis will be our 4th without Eddie. The first Christmas I cried all the way thru the ornaments and couldn't put a single one on. My daughter and I decided to pick three special ones and the rest have since been packed up. That year, we went out and bought all new. This year will be our first with a new family (newly married in July)and my new husband would love it if we could downsize our decorations (both of us) do I muster the courage to go thru boxes I haven't dared open in three and a half years?????

  7. My husband loved Christmas and for him, it started in August w/the Christmas carols blasting in his truck. He's been gone 11 years now and I still can't handle Christmas. My children, 9 & 13 when he passed are 20 & 24 (living away from home). To avoid typical Christmases, I planned trips to not be home, a Panama Canal cruise, Bahamas, Disney World when they were younger but they always still wanted to put up a tree. In their teen years, I twice offered them cash to not put up a tree, which they gladly accepted. One year, determined to get over my dread of this holiday, I allowed my home to be on my ladies' club Christmas tour to raise money for scholarships for underprivileged students. My daughter flew home b/c she didn't believe it only to find a Christmas tree in every room. I, like Laura have packed the years of collectible decorations away. I have been in counseling for years over many other issues and even remarried for a number of years but it ended in divorce. Are there some people that just can't get past this?