It's been 5 years. In that 5 years I've changed in so many ways. I'm still the same old me, but different. Daniel didn't know this me. The one that survived his loss, the one that has been raising our child by myself. The one that bears the burden of making it all happen, all day, every day.
You'd think it would make me more serious, all of this loss, all of the responsibility, all of the stress. It hasn't. In many ways I'm more light-hearted than I was before. Life is beautiful and life is short. I am reminded of that daily. When I forget for a moment and get bogged down in the minutiae, usually I snap out of it quickly. What's the use? I know that I could be hit by a truck tomorrow. If my number is called, I want to be sure I'm enjoying my life at the moment it happens. No excuses, no regrets.
I couldn't ever imagine loving someone besides Daniel, but then I couldn't imagine the horrors of his cancer and living without him either. Apparently anything is possible. Weeks before Daniel died he told me he was afraid I'd choose to be alone and he didn't want that for me. He gave me his blessing when I couldn't bear to hear it, but his words have echoed in my head on and off for 5 years.
Sooooo, I'm outing myself on the blog and confessing to you guys that I'm seeing someone. I have been for a few months now, and it has been fabulous. He's fantastic and I'm so lucky to have stumbled across him. Sometimes life makes you margaritas and even salts the rim at no extra charge :) It's different being in this relationship; I'm different. But in the words of a wonderful friend, different doesn't have to be bad, different can be really, really good.
Happy Tuesday - Michelle D.
I can't imagine it either but I'm hopeful that someday this could be me. Can you please tell us how you "stumbled" across him?
ReplyDeleteBrava. Way to go! Seize those moments! Life can be different and wonderful. And don't forget he finds you special! And you are. :-)
ReplyDeleteYay for you being with someone. And double-yay for "outting" yourself here. We all need to see happiness and encouragement .... and excitement.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing, Michelle.
:)
Elias also told me he wanted me to find someone else one day - hated the thought of me being alone, and knew that we are all meant to live loved.
ReplyDeleteI absolutely hated hearing it at the time, but now I am thankful he gave me that gift. I've not entered into any relationships as of yet, but I'm glad to know that if/when I do, I don't only have his support, but his encouragement. Great to hear the happy news for you!
~C~
I think he was even luckier stumbling into you.
ReplyDeleteCan't wait to meet him.
Love Dad
Loving someone new doesn't mean you're replacing the "past" love. It just means that you were blessed to love before, and you can do so again. Greg taught me that I was "lovable". Do I shut that down because he died? I don't think he would want me to. Good luck Michelle!
ReplyDeleteI wish my husband would have said it was okay. He knew he was dying and didn't say a word. Maybe he couldn't believe it was happening - it was so fast. I look forward to the day I can stumble upon the perfect man, but it is too soon. So instead I am going to St. Croix after 11 months of working through the loss of my husband and the upcoming loss of my job.
ReplyDeleteI "stumbled across him" on eharmony - amazing and hard to believe, but true. Lots of frogs, but apparently a prince or two as well!
ReplyDeleteI think it is wonderful you have met someone. It always gives me hope to read about someone again falling in love, since as we all know at first it is difficult to do, even with our deceased one's permission. I like you am much different. I keep a goofy picture of my husband around, because he was the one who taught me not to take life too seriously and to have fun! It is something I have gotten better at.
ReplyDeleteI also lost my husband 5 years ago and have been seeing someone for a few months. It takes a while to wrap one's head around "different" but it's nice to wrap one's arms around somebody again while you're figuring it all out. Like you, I worry so much less about most everything. But how I appreciate new love! Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy. Everything passes so quickly. I don't know if you can relate to this but I find that I can find some freedom in the idea that there are no guarantees in life. It's lets me appreciate right here, right now more than ever before.
ReplyDeleteI agree 100 percent Jill. There is something about understanding how quickly it all comes and goes that makes you appreciate it all so much more deeply. Yay for you and your someone! :)
ReplyDeleteThanks everyone for all of the support!!!
Love you Michelle. I agree with your Dad. Tom Petty actually said it best...He "got lucky babe" when he found you.
ReplyDeleteLove Aunt Rose
Ahhhh, love e-Harmony. Me, you , and Michele should all do a commercial together with the new men in our lives :) How fun would that be?!
ReplyDelete