Wednesday, December 23, 2009
The Little Things
Sometimes it seems that grief wipes out every feeling except despair. Nothing matters, no moment is free of sadness, food doesn't taste good, family time is painful, memories are daggers to the heart, and life does not feel like a gift.
But once in awhile a different feeling floats to the surface of the dark pool of loss. Maybe laughter at something absurd, or gratitude for a sweet gesture, perhaps a smile that can't help but be returned...or the genuine curiosity of a baby wondering what he is doing on this big guy in a red suits lap.
Grief taught me to savor moments of unexpected lightness. The relief of feeling something besides sadness was palpable. I remember being a bit disoriented the first time I felt something, anything really, because nothing threatened to swallow me whole. I discovered that love really is more powerful than death, and love in all of its forms slowly heals the damage caused by the absence of feeling.
So today I am grateful for my children who love me with a devotion that sometimes overwhelms me. I celebrate the love of my family who have stood beside me or held me up, depending on the day. I thank God for my friends who willingly walk the journey of life with me no matter where the road leads. I am grateful for Phil's love which has enriched and changed me, and for the opportunity to love and be loved again by a wonderful man.
Love matters, especially in the darkness. Wishing you a ray of love light today.