Thursday, December 3, 2009


sunday night.


for the first time,

just saw some photos of


posted to flickr by anya

and i lost my shit.

photos of


(almost all taken by me)

have brought me

lots of comfort

over the past few weeks,

but these were different.

these photos were taken

by someone else

during happy times

that i wasn’t a part of…

her bachelorette party


various girls-only weekends.

all of a sudden

now i think i know what

it’s like

to look at this from

a strangers perspective

and it’s awful.

i found myself

thinking the

same things everyone

else has said,

“what a beautful woman”

“so full of life”

“can’t believe she’s gone”

holy shit i miss


so much right now.


  1. (((some manly bro hugs))) cute lady.

  2. That's a beautiful picture.

    It is quite the eye opener to see our losses through the eyes of others. I am always curious when I see photos of those I love that predate my relationship with them or happened at a point when I was absent for some reason. It's like this cool little gift that I wasn't expecting and was blessed with anyway.

  3. lovely photo of Liz :-)

    thanks for posting this because I thought it was only me that reacted like that! Whenever I see a photo of Cliff that I haven't seen before, it catches me out. I find myself holding my breath - or does it take my breath away? - Im not sure. Then I can't stop staring at it.

    But I'm fine with the ones that I've already seen.

    I knew this intuitively, right at the beginning, that I wasn't ready to look at other people's photos of Cliff back then (it was irrelevant whether they were taken before we were together ... any photos!), but I'm getting there. Slowly.

  4. Michelle, I've tried to contact you on the SS website and keep getting an error message. I'd like to have more details about Camp Widow/er: usual age of attendees, cost, date, workshop topics, speakers. It sounds exciting. Looking forward to hearing from you.