Tuesday, December 29, 2009
A Mending Heart
Yes, I can feel my heart mending. Not healing, really, because I don't think it will ever be completely healed, but it will mend and have a permanent scar upon it.
But in the mending process I'm also finding out that it's growing a bit larger.
You see, I have met someone and we are truly enjoying each other's company and learning to care for each other.
I used to wonder how this would happen, especially since my heart was damaged beyond repair. But I get it now.
I remember when I was pregnant for the second time. I was really worried about being able to love this next baby (and the next, and the next and the next, etc!) as much as I loved Daughter #1. I thought it was impossible for my heart to fill with any more love.
I was completely wrong. As soon as my daughters were born (twins) I could actually feel my heart getting bigger, so that then more love could fill it. It didn't matter how many children we added to the group, our hearts just continued to grow and grow.
I thought that growth had stopped when Jim died, but I was wrong. It did stop ..... for a while.
For two years, actually.
But now it's starting to grow. I can feel it stretching to a bigger size and I have to say that I LOVE the feeling.
Who knows where this new relationship will lead .... if anywhere. But even if it doesn't it will have proved to me that my heart is capable of growing ..... in spite of its horrific loss.
It will have proved that I can move forward and that life can still be enjoyed and even celebrated for the things we encounter and learn.
Don't get me wrong .... Jim will never leave my heart .... ever. He will just stay in a certain part of it from now on..... and I'm sure he's just fine with that.
So to all of you on this path in the very beginning, where all you see around you is inky blackness, let alone feel that your heart will ever change again, please take a look at some of those around you .... and know that it's true. Your heart can also grow to accommodate more love one day ....probably when you least expect it.
Posted by Janine at 11:38 PM