Thursday, December 17, 2009

supposed to be

supposed to be in hawaii



this weekend

(fucking reminder popped up on my blackberry the other day to make me feel like shit).


i sit here

thinking about nothing

but the fact that


died 2 months ago today.

(i fucking hate the 25th now).

how can i not

think about it?

there are too many reminders.


i have to look out

the picture window

in the front of my house

to see her car,

parked in her spot.

like she may just be

sitting out there,

like she did so often,

finishing up

one of her post-work

calls to chandra.

(i stare out that window way too much).

i have to see her

black, elastic pony-tail holders

on every door knob in

the house.

i don’t know why she

chose to put them

there, but there they



  1. i know this pain, yet it is 10 months old for me. i won't tell you if or when it gets better. i'm still waiting. since i know this so well, i will tell you what is. you are in my humble thoughts and most sincere prayers.

  2. There is no way to prepare for those little reminders that sweep us off our feet. We have to move with the currents until we can stand upright again.