Friday, December 17, 2010

two hands where four are needed

I recently found a "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff Workbook". It is full of quizzes and exercises to force you to look inward at yourself. This introspection makes me realize that I am pretty 'normal' if not, less 'sweaty' than the average person. I've been really enjoying 'getting to know myself' in the 5 minutes I take now and then to complete a section. And it's interesting to compare 'me' now to 'me' before.
I am much more chill than I once was. Less worried about many of the problems that plagued me before Jeff died. That's not to say that they don't annoy/pester/frustrate/even terrify me - just less so now. Most of these issues will not kill me. They MAY force us to live in a cardboard box but, hey, at least we'd have a roof over our heads!
BUT when I read the tip the other night that directs you to do ONE THING AT A TIME, it made me jealous. That green eyed monster made me want to live the life of the people who have the luxury of completing one. task. before starting something new.
I know I felt that I was busy and always needed before, when I was a non-widow. But I was just a pussy.
I now cannot fathom walking down the hall without a pocket full of lego to deposit in my son's room, an armpit full of drawing tools to return to my daughter, a hand shoving the vacuum before me, a signed permission slip hanging from my teeth while dragging the laundry hamper along behind me on my way to the back door to stack firewood, fix the shed door and dig an irrigation ditch next to the driveway.
I am not sweating the small stuff. I am just trying to stay on top of two people's work with just two hands and one head. And sometimes, it really blows.


  1. It does blow! I still get pissed off everytime I have to take out the trash- that used to be the ONE thing I NEVER had to worry about! We used to split most chores pretty evenly but it really blows when I have to get the ladder to change a light bulb that my husband could've just reached, or mess with getting the oil changed in the car, etc. etc. I feel ya!

  2. Amen to that - and can I add that this time of year is really starting to get to me! I'd really like 4 hands right now and want to crawl into bed.

  3. that vision if you walking down the hall doing all that stuff made me giggle :) sooooooooooo familiar. I have to constantly remind myself that the world will not end if certain things don't get done.

  4. Ditto... I'm also finding that I'm so crabby these days from feeling overwhelmed. I keep thinking that I should be able to accomplish all that we did together and there just aren't enough hours in the day. So I'm trying to let a few things go but it's difficult. And I'm tired of being crabby!

  5. My husband died suddenly 9 months ago leaving me and two children, who are in their early 20s. I still feel exhausted and overworked all the time. But my heart goes out to all the young widows who are forced to face the world each day WITHOUT a husband and WITH young children. Many, many hugs to you!

  6. It looks like a bomb went off in my house right now, and I don't really care that much.

    It is crazy. I'm definitely running out of steam these days. And, I just hate that I'm usually too tired to do much with my girls . . . can't help but feel for how much they are missing out on from losing their Dad and SO much of their mom too. But, I also know they understand love in ways unimaginable before.


  7. Jackie, I feel the same way about being less worried about the small things and widow hood has taught me to ask for help more often, even from my children. As, I read your post I had to laugh, because it remined me I need to go downstairs to put my clothes in the dryer! The important things will get down, And we must do something for ourselves daily.

  8. Jackie, I wish I had that walking-down-the-hall-doing-15-things-on-my-way... THING. My dear wife took it with her, dang it! (She used to get SO frustrated with me for not having it, too. Showed me. Ha.)

    So, yeah, I agree with everyone. The bomb went off in the house, too tired to do anything with the kids and feeling guilty about it, the unclimbable hill of trying to do the work of two... It all comes down to being "the only": the only adult, the only parent, the only income earner, bill-payer, trash-taker-outer. I feel like I'm letting everyone down--work, the kids, their school, my mother, my friends, Julie's friends... Fortunately, most have been very understanding, and I have had no hesitation about blowing off the ones who haven't been! Ha!


  9. I am hearing you.
    I am trying to teach my 8 yo and 6 yo to take a LOT more responsibility around the house (and with my garage currently flooding on a daily basis and a mud pit in my basement they do need to take up the slack).
    I just need to get over the fact that they don't do things perfectly..... I will have to re-vacuum the floor, but at least most of their stuff is off it first.