Wednesday, December 22, 2010
"You Should Be Happy" .....
Actually, the entire sentence was .... "All of your children are home. You should be happy."
I felt like I had been slapped in the face.
I was on the phone, explaining to this person, through tears, that I was feeling sad.
And that sentence was the response I got.
Most people would probably agree with that statement.
But you who read this blog are not "most people".
My response was to almost yell into the phone, "Don't tell me that! Don't tell me what I should be feeling!"
There was quiet on the other end. But no apology. No attempt at an explanation.
I said, "I AM happy that the kids are home. But it's very bittersweet. Yes, we're all together. But we're not ALL home. Jim is not here and that makes me sad. Very sad. Yes, even after three stinking years it makes me sad."
It's been a difficult week. I'm content one minute, in tears the next.
I don't remember being this emotional last year, but then I AM a widow and so my memory is not what it once was.
I AM happy to have all of the kids here. And so very grateful.
But the presence of seven of us is a huge reminder that there are not eight.
Just like the stockings that are hanging over our fireplace.
This is the first year that I did not add Jim's.
It just seems too painful to constantly see it there.
The stockings are such a visible reminder that he is not .... visible.
So yes, maybe in the eyes of some people I should be happy.
I am blessed. My children are all healthy and they are all home.
I have many loving family members and friends.
I am financially secure.
I should be happy.
And I usually am now.
But this week, this month .... I am sad.
And there's not a damn thing I can do about it.
Except ignore the ignorant, thoughtless words of people who don't know what the hell they're talking about.
Sounds like a plan .....
Posted by Janine at 12:10 AM