I'm having computer problems, so I'm writing via my iPhone. Today I moved into my new home. It's a home I fell immediately in love with. During the past few days I have trying to coordinate so many things at once, and found myself amazed at how smoothly it was all going. As others have pointed out to me lately, life seems to be going my way.
If life is going my, then why did I find myself in tears last night?
It was the end of a very long day. Most of my things at my temporary home were packed up, and many of them had been driven over to the new house. I had my cousin helping me out. Then late in the evening I realized that the next day was the big move, and I would be completely on my own. The problem was that I had two cars to move, yet by the next day I would be the only driver. You see I haven't been able to part with Michael's car. He loved that car, and we took so many wonderful day trips in it. When I shared my dilemma, my cousin was quick to offer to follow me out to the new house.
I shouldn't be surprised, but as soon as I got into the car, and began driving it to my new home, I began sobbing. I was driving home, and he would never be there. I was driving home, and I would be expected to be happy. I was driving home, and I needed to be open to new possibilities.
I was driving home.
Dan, I feel your pain. That was really powerful. Thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteMaria
Dan, so many times over the last year I have found myself in the same postion. Everything is getting better and I should feel very happy and I do for most of the time. Like yesterday, I decided that it was time for me to have my own life. So I had joined a single group to make new friends. Went to my first event. Actually had fun and met some nice people. But later that night before failing to sleep, I cried because although I had fun with the new people. It was not what I really want. I wanted to be married to the man I expect to spend the rest of my life with. So many times, I am in a situation that I want to share with him, but I know I no longer can and wonder if that feeling will ever end. I think as with everything else it will lessen with time, but not be completely gone.
ReplyDeleteI have been painting and sprucing my house up to put on the market. I have many boxes packed. I have been frozen--unable to make the next step of listing it. This was our house and my husband died in his sleep here. I know it will be gut wrenching to lock the door the last time. Congratulations on having the courage to move on.
ReplyDeleteYour new place is just a house until you make memories there--birthdays, dinners, etc. So don't let the emptiness right now throw you.
Soon it will be your home. Sandy
Moving on. Not easy. Be good to yourself. Virtual hugs come your way!
ReplyDeleteoh Dan, I wish I could have sat beside you (and cried with you no doubt)... Boo x
ReplyDeleteThe pressure cooker of more change is bound to need a release of tears. And there's nothing like a husband's _________ (fill in the name of random belonging) to bring those tears to the surface. I'm sure that your new house will feel like home soon. Wishing you peace as you get settled in your beautiful new home.
ReplyDeleteLove Deb
psst - I don't expect you to be anything other than you are at any given moment. I can come out there and growl menacingly at anyone who knocks on your new door thinking it's all good now. You know, if you need the growling door guard.
ReplyDelete