It's here.
2011.
Another year I venture into without Michael. Officially the 4th year that I cannot reference Michael to being in.
I do not know what this year will bring as each year has been different.
2007-2008- The years of the "fog" and immense anger displacement on loved ones for not getting what the heck I was going through.
2009- Pretty good! I started figuring out and actually utilizing the fact that I am the one that determines when I actually want to start living again. All the things that I did were suddenly enhanced by the fact that I was seeing the world with "new" eyes.
2010- It had its ups and down. More ups than downs which I mark as being the dictator of whether the year is good or bad.
Leaving me to enter 2011. From looking at the past years, I've got to admit that they actually are getting better with each one. I never look back at the horrible years and say that I should have done anything differently, as they allow me to savor the contentment and happiness that have oozed in afterward.
I wish that to continue for myself and you.
Happy New Year.
This is my 3rd New Years w/o my husband, If I'm truthful, it is very painful and lonely w/o him. I'm sure each year gets easier, but I'm guessing the pain never goes away. I think the most difficult part is the acting as if everything is okay. Being in touch with my feelings, I am learning a lot about myself, but such a painful way to learn. I feel like I could cry forever,
ReplyDeletebut I can't, because the culture of my family of origin and of my marriage did not allow it. And maybe I don't stay quiet long enough to stay with my tears. Grief is hard, as is moving forward. One day at a time, I guess, with a lot of grace to myself.
This blog has been such a blessing, this is my third New Year without my DH, yes it has gotten easier but the void is always present. I am amazed at the turns life has taken and know I could be so worse off so I choose to live my life grateful....for what I had and what I have.
ReplyDeleteIt's sad to me to enter another year without my husband. He passed away in fall of 2009, he never saw 2010 and now 2011. I just can't believe a whole year went by and another one is starting and he's not here with me. I still have a hard time with this. Spending the last 30 years together, always optimistic about the new year, is now no longer, I now dread these days, weeks, and months moving forward. Life will never be same I get that but I don't what it has become.
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