Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Because I Knew You .....

.... I have been changed.
"For Good".

This is one of my favorite songs from one of my favorite musicals.
Yesterday, for the first time in over three years ..... I could hear it, and sing with it, without crying.
Not just tears-trickling-crying, but great, huge, gut-wrenching sobs-crying.

I have been changed.
For good?
Yes, in more ways than one.

When I was younger the term "for good" meant .... forever.

I have been changed.
I will never be the same.
In both good and negative ways.

We all know the negative changes this road has given us.
There are way too many.
And I won't bore you with a post that lists all of mine.
But I will give you a major one.

I am not naive anymore.
I never thought I was .... before.
But I totally was.
I am a bit "hardened" now.
I don't look towards the future with that same happy-go-lucky vision.
I know that there is no guarantee of a future.
I have lost the joy of looking ahead to the future and dreaming of what it might hold.

But I have also gained the ability to look at just today.
And I think that's a good thing.

I have been changed.
For good.
In many, many ways.
Again .... too many to write here.

Jim's love changed me.
For good.

And even Death can't change that.
I won't give it the satisfaction.

So yesterday when I heard that song beginning, and realized what song it was, I unconsciously started singing along.  Before I really knew what I was doing.
And then I noticed.
And I sang even stronger.
I sang it for .... and to .... Jim.

Because I knew him ......
I have been changed .....
for good.


  1. I love this song as well - I still have the gut-wrenching sobs though! I am filled with love and gratitude as well but as I approach the 2 year anniversary ( in 2 weeks) I am filled with the overwhelming sadness too. When will this pain end? BUT I HAVE BEEN CHANGED FOR GOOD - thank you my sweetie!

  2. Widowhood changes us all in one way or another and yes, that change is forever.

  3. I too have been changed for good by knowing Don and having him as my friend...I'd not heard this song before, thank you for sharing!

  4. Yes. And progress is measured, and noticed, in little miracle moments like this.

  5. For once I am speechless because you have just described what I was struggling to vocalize (to myself) about where I am at the moment.

    Janine, how did you just help me process what it is I needed?

    I have no idea, but I thank and love you for it ... but I can't listen to that song. NOT YET.

    Turns out I am not speechless ... but no surprise there ;-)

  6. One of my favorite songs to sing aloud and think about my husband, but I haven't made it to the point where I can sing without tears yet. Such a powerful thing, to be able to change someone's life for good, in a positive way. We were lucky to have them in our lives.


  7. Yes, I was blessed to have had him. I am the woman I am today because of him and I thank him for it. I just wish I could tell him again.