Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Because I Knew You .....

.... I have been changed.
"For Good".

This is one of my favorite songs from one of my favorite musicals.
Yesterday, for the first time in over three years ..... I could hear it, and sing with it, without crying.
Not just tears-trickling-crying, but great, huge, gut-wrenching sobs-crying.
For.
The.
First.
Time.

I have been changed.
For good?
Yes, in more ways than one.

When I was younger the term "for good" meant .... forever.

I have been changed.
Forever.
I will never be the same.
In both good and negative ways.

We all know the negative changes this road has given us.
There are way too many.
And I won't bore you with a post that lists all of mine.
But I will give you a major one.

I am not naive anymore.
I never thought I was .... before.
But I totally was.
I am a bit "hardened" now.
I don't look towards the future with that same happy-go-lucky vision.
I know that there is no guarantee of a future.
I have lost the joy of looking ahead to the future and dreaming of what it might hold.

But I have also gained the ability to look at just today.
And I think that's a good thing.

I have been changed.
For good.
In many, many ways.
Again .... too many to write here.

Jim's love changed me.
For good.
Forever.

And even Death can't change that.
I won't give it the satisfaction.

So yesterday when I heard that song beginning, and realized what song it was, I unconsciously started singing along.  Before I really knew what I was doing.
And then I noticed.
And I sang even stronger.
I sang it for .... and to .... Jim.

Because I knew him ......
I have been changed .....
for good.

11 comments:

  1. I love this song as well - I still have the gut-wrenching sobs though! I am filled with love and gratitude as well but as I approach the 2 year anniversary ( in 2 weeks) I am filled with the overwhelming sadness too. When will this pain end? BUT I HAVE BEEN CHANGED FOR GOOD - thank you my sweetie!

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  2. Widowhood changes us all in one way or another and yes, that change is forever.

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  3. I too have been changed for good by knowing Don and having him as my friend...I'd not heard this song before, thank you for sharing!

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  4. Yes. And progress is measured, and noticed, in little miracle moments like this.

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  5. For once I am speechless because you have just described what I was struggling to vocalize (to myself) about where I am at the moment.

    Janine, how did you just help me process what it is I needed?

    I have no idea, but I thank and love you for it ... but I can't listen to that song. NOT YET.

    Turns out I am not speechless ... but no surprise there ;-)

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  6. One of my favorite songs to sing aloud and think about my husband, but I haven't made it to the point where I can sing without tears yet. Such a powerful thing, to be able to change someone's life for good, in a positive way. We were lucky to have them in our lives.

    Debbie

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  7. Yes, I was blessed to have had him. I am the woman I am today because of him and I thank him for it. I just wish I could tell him again.

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