Because I Knew You .....

.... I have been changed.
"For Good".

This is one of my favorite songs from one of my favorite musicals.
Yesterday, for the first time in over three years ..... I could hear it, and sing with it, without crying.
Not just tears-trickling-crying, but great, huge, gut-wrenching sobs-crying.
For.
The.
First.
Time.

I have been changed.
For good?
Yes, in more ways than one.

When I was younger the term "for good" meant .... forever.

I have been changed.
Forever.
I will never be the same.
In both good and negative ways.

We all know the negative changes this road has given us.
There are way too many.
And I won't bore you with a post that lists all of mine.
But I will give you a major one.

I am not naive anymore.
I never thought I was .... before.
But I totally was.
I am a bit "hardened" now.
I don't look towards the future with that same happy-go-lucky vision.
I know that there is no guarantee of a future.
I have lost the joy of looking ahead to the future and dreaming of what it might hold.

But I have also gained the ability to look at just today.
And I think that's a good thing.

I have been changed.
For good.
In many, many ways.
Again .... too many to write here.

Jim's love changed me.
For good.
Forever.

And even Death can't change that.
I won't give it the satisfaction.

So yesterday when I heard that song beginning, and realized what song it was, I unconsciously started singing along.  Before I really knew what I was doing.
And then I noticed.
And I sang even stronger.
I sang it for .... and to .... Jim.

Because I knew him ......
I have been changed .....
for good.