Sunday, February 6, 2011


Ever since
April 16, 2009
I have struggled
what name to put
in the blank space
that says

"In Case of Emergency"

I loathe that blank space.
It reminds me
no one will love my kids
as ferociously,
as tenderly,
as fully
as Art did.

It makes me
want to go
as if
sleep will solve the issue.


  1. Kim, I so agree with this. It has been a year, but still I must face that question. It seemed like the first year I had a million times it seemed I had to answer that question. I still feel as you do no one will love my children and me as my Rob did!Such a simple question that most people do not understand how much hurt it brings back.

  2. The feeling of wanting to go back to bed is one that I can relate to. I am approaching the one year mark and I have spent so much time in bed in the last 11 plus months! There, I avoid life even more with my laptop and my televison. I am the Queen of Nap-time. Doing anything else just seems like too much. (other than that full-time job that is),

    It is a hard realization and responsiblity to know that you are the only parent for your children. It hovers in the back of your mind. Forms that emphasize it are like a slap in the face.
    That's enough to make anyone want to go back to bed!

  3. So true! And even for those without children and/or those with grown children, it highlights the reality that our spouse isn't there for us if the emergency is ours. Encountering this reality --what to put in the cell phone, on forms, in doctors' offices, etc.--and realizing all former emergency contacts have to be updated to reflect the present saddens me again and again. A real trigger. But after doing it, sometimes a feeling of empowerment comes. It's done, not easy, but another step forward.
    Virtual hugs come your way!

  4. Yup, so true, another painful trigger, that people don't realize we deal with, so many constant painful and hurtful stabs to the heart.

  5. Very much like the first time I had to fill out a form for one of the kids and it asked for ..... Father's name, Father's placer of business, Father's phone numbers.
    And the first time I had to check the "Widowed" box on a form.

    Big, big waves.

    But it's also true that once we do it .... its just a wee bit easier the next time. And each time thereafter.

  6. I always think of my late husband, the one I want to take of me in case of emergency, as I write my parents name instead on that blank space...just as I did before I was married.

  7. I have a double whammy. My husband was a physician, and he was wonderful (professionally and emotionally) to me when I was sick. Now when I get sick I feel really intense grief. What a void.

  8. It really hit me with my daughter's volleyball team parents' roster. There were two spaces under every other player's name, only one under my daughter's. I cried.

  9. Yes. Every time I've had to fill out a form -- at a doctor's office, at my new job -- and I have to check the box for "widow," it makes me feel sick. And I never know what to put down for In Case of Emergency. Sometimes I put my best friend, sometimes my brother even though he lives two hours away. Neither is adequate for that, no kind of replacement for my husband and soulmate, but they're all I've got. This sucks.