Friday, February 11, 2011

they are okay

There are days or moments that I watch my little ones and think, "Bloody Hell. They are going to be so messed up after all they've been through." Then there are times that I see them blossom and bloom with smiles, laughter and play where I think, "If you didn't know what had happened, you would think these two had a 'normal' life."
All I know for sure, is that no matter how our lives unfold, they are stronger because they have eachother.
They still know how to laugh and be silly without guilt or remorse.

And that these two little ones are the most amazing teachers of living after your life has stopped.
I am practising seeing the world through their eyes....It isn't as dark as it is through mine.

Originally posted 7 1/2 months after losing their daddy on our personal blog.


  1. Yes, you have beautiful children.
    I am not worried about my oldest (18)...who seems to be thriving at college. My 14 year old is another matter altogether.
    Both my sons watched their father die of cancer three years ago. :-(

  2. so beautiful. I often wonder how my kids will be when they've grown without their dad. my greatest hope is they will love more deeply and continue to risk their hearts even tho' they know great heartache.

  3. This is a big topic. As an adult who lost my father from cancer when I was 10, I will offer a few personal observations. Let them talk about it at their own pace and in their own time, don't try to force it. When they are ready, they will express their feelings. One of the biggest fears for kids who have lost a parent becomes safety, so one of the tasks of a surviving parent is to consistently let them know you are not going away. Even as a teen I would get panicky if my mother was gone too long. So call if you are going to be late, this will keep their brain from going to dark places. If you date, be very discerning and don't force them to meet your dates or come along if they are not ready. As they get older they may benefit from grief therapy, but only if they want it. We are all different, and in my family, we had six kids, and some did better than others. I had a hard time, but eventually grew up, graduated college, married physician, and became a counselor, and am considered pretty stable. My brothers did not do so well as adults. Keep open to their needs and treat them as individuals, and give them opportunities through sports or lessons or whatever they are interested in to build their self esteem in their own right. One thing I always struggled with was feeling "different" because of what happened, when my peers always had two parents. And if you can find a strong male role model for your son (uncle, big brother, pastor etc.) all the better. I know this is long but I hope sharing my experience is helpful in some way. God Bless!