Monday, May 23, 2011


bromance palentine

Well, I'm dating.

Okay, maybe I'm not really dating. I'm just not quite sure what to call it. It's been awhile since I dated anyone, and, it's been awhile since I have felt the need to qualify exactly what I am doing with another person.

It's kind of odd, going out with someone, talking, and texting several times throughout the week, wondering what he is doing when we are not together. Wondering who he is talking to, texting to, having dinner with, when I don't see him during the week.

Am I being vague enough? I don't exactly know what to call it, this thing we are doing, because, he isn't gay.


You know, I put a profile on awhile back, and have corresponded with a few guys, but none of them led to any type of date. Then one day I get an email from this guy, who says he read my profile, and liked what I had to say. He was interested in talking about the book I am reading, and thought maybe we would hit if off. He was right, we did. The complicated part, or maybe the uncomplicated part, is that for the most part, he identifies as straight. So what was he doing roaming the pages of gay guys in the area? I'm not completely clear, but I have really enjoyed having a guy to hang out with, to talk to, go walking/hiking with, and potentially to start cycling or running with.

So, what do you call this? Funny, it feels like dating. Well, of course, without the heavy petting that is often expected after a nice evening out. This weekend my son finally met my new friend, and as soon as he had the opportunity to ask, he did. "So Dad, are you guys just friends, or what?" It's a fair question. I'm sure that he remembers that last time that I brought a man home that I had been spending time with. Actually, I ended up marrying that man, didn't I?

Earlier I had a very nice telephone conversation with my brother in law. After we spoke about everyone else in our families, he wanted to know truly how I was doing. He mentioned that he had been keeping up with my Facebook page, and was pleased to hear that I would be starting my new job. He said that it seems that I am doing well, but wanted to know if the appearance matches my reality. You know, I have not been asked that in a very long time. I let him know that life has been considerably better for me these days, and that many good things are happening for me. Yet, and there is always that "yet," I told him that I miss his brother more than ever, and that my life feels far less than happy. I acknowledged that I still cry more than people would expect, and that I am still unpleasantly surprised by my reality every now and then. He told me that it is still that way for him, and that if he is missing Michael that much, he can only imagine how I am feeling each day.

During the writing of this last paragraph I took a very short break, as my new gentleman caller Instant Messaged me. We chatted about how the rest of our weekend went. He gave me props for all the hard work I did on my yard, and he joked about my being a big strong guy. I responded that I was more like a not-so-big very sore guy. I was able to laugh, and to feel good that someone was thinking about me, and taking the time to keep involved in my day to day life.

Two men, reaching out to me, making me feel like I matter. You know, they may not be the types of relationships that will ultimately fulfill me like the one I had with my husband, but they are men that are here, playing a part in keeping me tethered to this life, and this world. And for that, I am feeling quite blessed.


  1. Being Here. Now.

    Easy to type-not so easy to live. Sounds like you have figured how to do it, Dan. Kudos to you and may the budding relationships flower with delight.

  2. I would love to have a single friend just to hang out with and to have someone truly ask me how I am really doing. I am glad for you. I did not let crying more than people expect, trying to date. I know thar not dating will not make me feel any better. And I know I will always miss my husband, he asked me to keep going on to live and find someone else to love me so I would not be alone.

  3. My husband did not want me to remain single either, although he did say that he hoped I would be miserable for awhile at least. He was a funny guy, even facing death. I think we can only benefit from getting out there and meeting new people. I don't think it necessarily needs to be romantic relationships, although I do hope to find one in the future. Most of all, I want new relationships in general, which appears to be happening.

  4. I am happy whenever I see someone that is on or near the same time frame as me with the same outlook for the future as well as working hard toward that future. I would like to meet someone NEW to do things with as well. Yes, I am so blessed to have wonderful girlfriends and my dearest sisters that have seen me through this whole ordeal since my husband passed. However, the time has come when I want to feel the presence of a man in my life with hopes of something romantic coming into my life as well. Good luck to you! Doesn't it feel wonderful to have something NEW and REFRESHING to look forward to each day?! We are alive and deserve to live life to the fullest. Wanting what we had before is the greatest compliment we can pay to the one we loved and lost!

  5. Yes, it is great to have something to look forward to, even if it's not romantic at this time. You know what's also interesting, is that I have recently met two new guys online, and after having an open discussion about my loss with each of them, they both shared of also have experienced a similar loss. One is in the military, and someone he was dating a few years ago was deployed to Afganistan, and was killed in action. The other was out riding cycles, and the woman he was seeing, was struck and killed, some years ago. Both said they had never shared this with anyone else until happening to meet me. Life is funny, or odd, isn't it?

  6. Your caring and open nature sure helps too, Dan . . .

    I love the idea of new friends too - and the 'anonymous' who mentioned single friends hit it on the head. All my 'local' friends are married or in committed relationships. I haven't started dating as of yet, but I think it would be nice to be able to talk to someone I could relate to on that level when the time comes. Also, it may sting a little less as right now I so often feel like the 'odd woman out'


  7. This post makes me smile. I'm all for any connections that make us feel cared for and less alone in this big, lonely world... no matter how you define them. Enjoy your bromance! :)