Wednesday, May 11, 2011
My Heart Breaks Just a Little ....
.... every time I see how much our children look like (or act like) Jim.
The above picture is of our youngest, Son #3 and his prom date this past weekend.
I was not here to witness the event (he's only a sophomore so it wasn't THE prom).
I was in Alaska, taking care of my brother who had surgery while I was there.
This young lady's mom sent me the picture.
I smiled at it and then showed it to my brother.
He looked at it, then did a double take.
And looked at it again.
And then said, "Oh my gosh! I thought it was Jim!"
I had not looked at it closely.
But at his words, I looked again.
And saw it.
And my heart broke .... just a little.
I love to hear those words, "He/She looks so much like Jim." or "He/She reminds me of Jim."
But ..... at the same time .... they cut my heart.
(Yes, I guess this is much like last week's post .... "A Double Edged Sword")
As I looked at the face of Son #3 in that picture, I had to bow my head a little .... and carefully wipe away the tears. I didn't want my brother to see them. I didn't want him to think that he had hurt me.
Because he hadn't.
The "hurt" had already been done.
Back at the end of 2007.
But I realize that my broken heart may never really fully heal.
Because of the 6 reminders that I have of Jim.
The 6 very special and wonderful reminders.
Followed by three boys.
They are 6 very important reasons for me still being here.
They each carry so much of Jim in them.
And on them.
Seeing them, especially in pictures ..... makes my heart swell with love, pride and gratefulness.
And yet .... seeing them .... seeing him in them ..... breaks my heart .... just a little.
Posted by Janine at 12:05 AM