Sunday, August 19, 2012
Haley Checks In
(love this photo of Haley and Lisa compared. Same smile. And no, that is not me next to my wife. I am standing behind her, that's my brother-in-law)
I’m in the middle of writing my blog when my twelve-year daughter, Haley, walks in my room,
“Dad, can we buy The Hunger Games on DVD? It's out now and grandma and grandpa said we can watch it after the girls go to bed.”
“I’m writing my blog right now. Let’s talk about when I’m done.”
“You should write about your wonnn-derrr-fulll daughter.” She says.
“I wrote about you guys last week. Why, do you have any thoughts?”
“What is it you need to write about?”
“Who we lost and what it does to us. How is it not having mom around?”
“Well, it’s different because there’s not a woman adult around. It’s harder to talk about puberty to my dad because men have different versions of puberty.”
“What about when mom died. How was that for you?”
“I don’t remember much about my childhood. I know what she looks like, but not a lot of memories, not a lot of memories of anything when I was eight.” She says.
“Does it bother you, you don’t remember mom?”
“No. Not really because I can’t remember a lot of things.”
“Does it feel strange growing up not having a mom?”
“A lot of my other friends don’t have both parents, don’t forget I have two kids in my class who had their dads die.”
“But does it bother you not having a mom and dad? And let me rephrase, you of course have a mom, I meant a mom who was still alive.”
“I know what you meant. Umm, that’s a difficult question to answer because I don’t know the difference. I love her, but I don’t know the difference.”
“What about growing up with a dad who has to be the one always enforcing the rules?”
“Like I said, I don’t know the difference of any other way. But it is different with the dad issuing the discipline because I heard I heard that mothers are more sensitive about punishments. Can we go to target now and get Hunger Games?”
I’ll have to reflect later on this conversation, but I find it interesting that for her, this all seems normal. The rough couple of years we all had to go through haven’t retained many memories for her. Hmmm, so many questions I have. I always assumed that having such young girls would be difficult, but maybe the kids who are already teenagers have a more difficult time because they do know the difference.
I don’t know.
I am constantly amazed of how resilient kids are.