I know I've written about this before.
I know I sounds like broken record.
I don't cope well with uncertianty.
That change in government I mentioned we'd had? Well they have decided to get rid of their contract staff. That means me.
Despite pulling two classes uphill this year, and being recognised for doing a stellar job, I find that I am once again in that place where I don't know what I'll be doing next year.
I've been in this place before.
I was a scientist for almost 20 years where funding is uncertain and you work on 3-year funding cycles. I was never without work, but by the same token, I never really worried about it: I knew we could comfortably live on Greg's wage.
Not that he earned a lot, just that both of us come from farming stock and so we are a very frugal mob.
.....and I find myself getting angry at how things have changed.
(not that it helps).
I am told that I am "lucky" I have the compensation payout.
(I know right?..... but I managed not to slap the person who said that)
But truth be told, money is not top of my list of worries .....
I am not good if I am not busy.
Working, feeling useful, seeing the difference I make, being part of the workforce means that my mental health is OK.
...and the not knowing what will happen is driving me crazy.
But I have to just wait out this storm.
I have to hope that things will work out for the best.
Because hope is currently all I have got that is working for me.