|Halloween 2004, two months after we got engaged|
Sunday, November 4, 2012
My Birthday + Halloween = Life Insurance
Today is my 32nd birthday.
Its official, my birthday is the hardest event or holiday I go through without Seth.
Seth’s birthday is on the 24th, so we always did a big, combined party.
It’s my 3rd birthday without my husband.
My friends and family threw me an amazing party at my favorite bar.
The bar Seth and I always celebrated both of our parties at.
And even with it being my 3rd birthday without Seth, I still expected to walk into the bar, and see his smiling face.
I walked into the bar, and was smacked with the reality, all over again, that my husband is dead.
He’s not here to celebrate with me.
I can’t throw him a huge party and spoil him with his favorite candy and beer.
Seth was always 2 years and 20 days older than me.
I am now 1 year older than him.
It’s so weird when I think about Seth’s age. He will always be 31 years old.
And I will always get older with each passing year.
We got our first snow fall in Utah. I walked outside at 6am, saw the snow, breathed in the cold air and let out a huge sigh of relief.
I have never been so happy to see snow and winter.
Summer was always my favorite time of year. Seth and I were always off doing something. Camping, backpacking, boating, playing at the lake for days.
Now summer is the hardest, most depressing time for me. Everything about summer reminds me of Seth. Reminds me of the times lost.
Winter has now become my favorite time of year. I guess it’s because I don’t have to deal with the death date, going camping without Seth, going to summer parties without him.
Winter doesn't remind me a whole lot of Seth. Sure, Christmas and Thanksgiving does, but nothing like summer time.
Halloween got me thinking about all the people that have passed. It got me thinking about what’s left in the wake of someone’s death.
It got me thinking about life insurance, and how badly I struggle financially.
I know what you are thinking. “Oh, I have $20k” in life insurance, we are fine!”
“We are too young to worry about life insurance”.
You are wrong. Dead wrong.
If you are married or have children, you need life insurance. And far more than $20k.
Please check your policies. Most of them have a suicide, drug or alcohol rider on them. Seth’s did.
Even if you think you or your loved one won’t die from suicide, drugs or alcohol, I would have your policy reviewed and possibly get a new one.
When I took out the policy on Seth, I didn't expect his death to be suicide. I also didn't think I would be widowed at 29 years old.
I never thought I would find myself in a position where when people ask me what I want for my birthday, I say “food”.
It was embarrassing and heart breaking. Despite my best efforts, financially, it’s a juggling act.
I wasn't prepared for a pipe to break and flood my neighbor’s basement. Leaving me scrapping together any cash I can find.
Looking back, I wish I knew. I wish I knew I would REALLY need that life insurance policy. I wish I wasn't naive enough to think that $20k was enough and that I wouldn't need that money any time soon.
Boy could I use that money now!
Please don’t leave your spouse or children in a position of where they have to ask for food as their birthday present.
Facing my birthday without my husband, scraping together money I don’t have to fix my neighbors basement, and having to ask for food for my birthday, add it all on top of each other, and it was a lot more then I could handle.
I have been in tears all week. Waiting for my party to arrive. The anticipation of knowing Seth wouldn't be there was extreme.
Knowing I would be walking into a party with friends and family, showing me pure love, but knowing the one person I wanted to see most, wouldn't be there.
Another birthday passed without my love.
Another night of fully enjoying myself, only to come home to an empty house and bed.
I have learned the difference between feeling alone and being alone.