Saturday, December 8, 2012


“Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting a bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian”-Dennis Wholely

I wish that I could say that in the past five years since Michael's death that assumptions and questions of my current life have fallen to the wayside.

 But unfortunately, I assumed incorrectly, which proves even further that I just need to stop assuming!

 All that aside, though, it seems that more than usual, that I am being questioned by many people on how or why I choose to live my life the way that I choose, and again, I assumed that all would take my response and leave it at that.

Again, that has not been the case and I've found many challenging or questioning my path.

Again, not to sound like a broken record, the assumption that all would except others individual path and individual terms would be the norm was a wrong by me...but in a way...the right by me.

 This past week has reinforced more than ever that my ideals that we are all unique and all dealt with challenges we will face here and there, has made it a bit easier when those moments come....even when I have made the mistake in assuming that all others would feel the same.

We all have had different situations, different perceptions, and yet, through the misunderstanding or personal belief, I know that we always will be left with those that embrace without understanding, those that love without question why, those that acknowledge without judging.

And for those, I know I am never alone.


  1. Wow Taryn, I've experienced some advice and judgment recently, too. All from friends and relatives who believe I need to move forward with my life. They really do think they know what I should be doing to feel better and what I need to do with and for my children. One even had the audacity to lecture my child. My child with the dead father.
    All the advice flows from women-women with alive and well husbands, who are financially secure, whose children are not grieving. They have no capacity to understand how offensive they are and how defensive I feel when I am with them.
    It could be why I choose, very carefully, who I spend my precious free time with-it takes me too long to recover from all that wonderful advice!

  2. Oh, so wise. It's doing my heart good to hear from women who get it. Thank you.

  3. Taryn,

    Its still just 7 1/2 mos. out for me but I do understand where your coming from. I get it that for the most part the family and friends giving me advice are trying to help me from becoming even more depressed. What they don't get is that they can't "fix this" for me. I just want someone to listen when it hurts, to let me cry when I need to cry, and not think they can advise me on something they have never felt. When you have lost the love of your life, you don't just move on. It comes one day at a time and sometimes one moment to the next. I appreciate the advice and the fact that they care, just don't try to "fix it" for me! That has to come from within me in my time frame.

    My pray goes out to all of you that are struggling not just because of the holidays but because sometimes the pain is just to great! Peace be with all of you....

  4. I struggle with the desire, the drive to make others understand how horrible this tragedy is......I have had to give that up; because there is no way anyone can and trying to get them to understand is a relentless battle. This quote has been helpful to me in relinquishing that others won't understand, and when others pass judgement and when others are not willing or interested in understanding.
    "For those who understand, no explanation is necessary; for those who don't understand, no explanation is possible”

  5. I am always in awe of how the bloggers hit the nail on the head almost every time. I am 4 and 1/2 years without my husband, yet the well meaning (?)observances and advise seem to be able to cut to the bone way too often.
    Thanks for sharing- it it is invaluable to me.