Friday, December 21, 2012

What If It Really was the End of the World??

So the Mayan calendar only went through today....considering they stopped recording their daily lives over a thousand years ago - having a stone carved calendar that went forward in time this far is pretty amazing!  The fun of the last calendar day is the mystique of the "end of the world".  Fun to consider the zombies, earthquakes, life ending flu virus, alien invasion, whatever your fantasy end might be.  If today is the last day of the world, I have only one regret - some of my favorite peeps aren't close by and I can't hug them one last time.  If tomorrow never comes, consider yourself hugged by me, you know who you are.  Mwah!

What a great opportunity to really take stock and think about what you would regret if today was really the last day.  As New Years approaches and we have the usual self assessment and diet/exercise or life improvements, I find myself thinking of what I want to change or improve.

I want to take better care of my body - it's getting older and is starting to require more maintenance...ugh.  If today isn't the end of the world, my recent physical indicates I could live for very long time and I want to make sure I'm moving around comfortably for the next 50 years... :) 

I want to take better care of my spirit.  Recently I saw a quote about people having the habit of complaining about the bad and only appreciating momentarily the good.  I want to celebrate my joys and talk about them more often.   

I want to take better care of my loved ones.  I want to be more present and more expressive of my appreciation for all they are and how much they mean to me.

I want to take better care of strangers - people I don't know, people who need help.  I can do more with the blessings I have been given.

Most of all I want to live each day deliberately.  One of the clearest lessons of my widowhood has been the shortness of life.  This is all we have.  Despite the potholes or canyons in our path, we have to persevere.  We have to find our way and we have to find our joy.  My new Baktun (next Mayan calendar) resolution is to keep my eyes on the joys in my life.  Even when everything looks dark, a little light is there somewhere.  I'm going to focus on the light. 


  1. I agree with you, esp the last paragraph. However, I have found it so hard to remain in the present, while trying to rebuild a future that is blank. And have found it to be very, very tiresome because of all the work it requires in a "wiowed" state of grief, loss, adjusting and adjusting and adjusting again and learning so much so fast. I'm just tired of how hard it is to even just "be present" when with my Marty life used to be easy and I could just "be". I miss that.

  2. Thanks, I too will look for that little light. It is such a difficult journey in widowhood. Your post gives me some strength.

  3. I agree Anonymous it is a very difficult journey, hardest one i've ever taken and I sincerely hope it is always the hardest one we ever have to take. I can't imagine doing something this hard ever again. You're right Mjay - it is very hard work, exhausting and just so confusing. It has always helped me to not try to look too far down the road. Some days I could only look an hour ahead! Hang in there, it does get easier to look ahead and it does get easier to notice the light. Love and a big hug to you too.

    The perfect reminder that what we lost does not mean that we can not love and care and be positive.
    In fact because we lost so much = it is harder! But not impossible.
    Whenever I am grieving for my husband - something particular, like the sound of his voice, instead of saying "oh, how I miss his singing".
    I say "where ever you are, thank you so much for starting every day of our life together with a song."
    I try to turn the longing into gratitude.
    Thanks for the reminder.
    The cracks are out the light gets in - thanks Leonard Cohen . . . such truth.

  5. how - I mean how. . . sheesh.
    My typing is going as well as my mind!

  6. Michelle, I so agree with your words of wisdom.. I'm not very far along in this journey yet I still find it within me to pull myself up when I know I can't go any lower..I'm learning to surround myself with anything that will make me laugh...this has sustained me through the holidays thus far...My hope is that each of you will find something that brings joy and a smile to your face during the holidays and beyond!!

    Peace and love to all.....