Wednesday, December 5, 2012

I'm Keeping a Decent Beat ......


...... with the Death March.

In fact, I've been surprised at how upbeat my beat has been.

No, the month is not over ...... and I've learned to never assume anything on this path ..... to never take anything for granted.

Which has turned out to be a very good lesson.
Nothing is guaranteed.
We all know that.

So I will enjoy this day.
And hope for more to enjoy tomorrow.
Even if the beat of the Death March drones on.
At the moment, it's the background noise in my head ..... not the first think I'm aware of each day.
And that's a first.

I'm sure it's helped that I went out of town with a bunch of girlfriends and we had a blast.
I think it also helped that I have decided to move somewhere exciting and new ...... for at least one half of the year.
When I was looking at apartments last week, I didn't wonder what Jim would think.  I didn't feel bad that Jim wasn't there.
Truth be told ...... I didn't think about Jim, and this move, all that much.
And I think that's a very good thing.

I need to go somewhere the 2 of us didn't live together.
I need to start somewhere new ....... someplace where no one knows Jim.
Someplace where I will only be known as me, Janine ...... and not as Jim's widow.
I can't wait.

None of this means that I'll forget him.
No freakin' way.
None of it means that I'm moving on without him.
But I am moving forward with my life ...... and he'll always be with me.

It doesn't make me miss him any less.
It just helps me to feel hopeful about the future ...... and all that I may find in front of me.
And thankful.

And that's huge.


  1. What a powerful and empowering post. Today was the first day in many months where I was able to say, "I had a pretty good day today". Your post really resonated. Will this remain my steady state? Nope.

    But like you said, it's a first. And I'll take it.

  2. You're singing my song. I can't stay in this place with all of its empty spots. I want to move to a place where all the spots are my spots and empty because I want them to be. Head high. back strong. legs sure. It's why I was loved in the first place.