Tuesday, December 25, 2012
So this is Christmas
After a week of holidays, I have been doing well ..... all things considered.
I have lulled myself into the false sense of security that this, my third Christmas as a widow would somehow be softer than the previous two: seeing family and friends; wrapping gifts and preparing food; looking forward to next year with excitement.
But its Christmas Eve as I am writing this and it has finally hit me - Greg still won't be here, again, no matter how chirpy and upbeat I am.
He won't open the present we bought him and he won't tuck into the smoked ham, salad, treats or plum pudding.
He won't rig up a paddle pool for the children to escape the summer heat and for adults to cool their feet whilst sipping icy drinks in the shade of a tree.
We won't tag team present wrapping with scooter assembly and we won't stifle giggles as we sneak about, drinking Santa's milk and eating his biscuits.
He won't kiss the foreheads of two sleeping children before heading off to bed in the hopes that the children will sleep in until at least 6am.
....but I don't think for even one minute that he won't somehow be with us, grinning as the children open their gifts and standing close as tears are shed.
.....and I am sure that I will feel his love around me like a cloak as I get myself through another Christmas without him.