Wednesday, April 3, 2013

masterpiece in the making


As I was contemplating what to write tonight, I was reading through some old posts of mine on my blog. Wow. It's amazing how I've suppressed some of those things, cause when I read it over again, the pain of loss becomes so real and close.

What I've noticed is that I have regularly referred to a mosaic as a metaphor for my grief. I don't remember exactly what attached me to that imagery, but it fit so well that I held on to it. I always thought I'd write a song about it: a beautiful, priceless piece that one day shatters on the floor into a million pieces. Rendered useless and no longer valuable. Until someone picks up the pieces of broken glass and uses it to put together a beautiful mosaic, creating a new masterpiece. Perhaps not what the glass was intended for, and certainly not without pain, but beauty was still created. Someday, perhaps it would make a great song.

That's how I've felt along the way. All those broken pieces of my life I had no idea what to do with, they seemed useless to me without Jeremy walking beside me. I felt so lost, so hopeless. But when I look back and read all those devastating blog posts, and feels the tears rushing back to me, I realized that each one was marking another broken piece that was being put into place for another masterpiece. I had no idea what was being created, and I still don't, but I am able now to look back and see that something beautiful can still be created with all the broken pieces of me.

I am nowhere near done picking up all the broken pieces off the floor. But, each breath I take without Jeremy reminds me that I have a lot of work left to do to make him proud. A lot of lessons still to learn. A lot of sharp pieces of glass that still need to be smoothed and put into its place. But I not even close to done. I am a masterpiece in the making.

Don't forget.....
So are you.


  1. Thank you Vee. It encourages this widow that is shattered into broken pieces.

  2. I have only been reading this blog for a 3 weeks or so (although it feels like much longer, it's such an intense journey) - so I am not familiar with the posts you refer too. All I can say that this is such a beautiful metaphor!

    In my experience it is not absolutely necessary to pick up every single piece from the floor - just the most important ones. One of these very important pieces is the realization that you are sharing: That we are masterpieces in the making. The process never really ends - in the sense that we continue to grow. What does change is the feeling - from hard work to more inspired work, from grief to growth.

    On that note, I hope you don't mind me saying that I'm convinced that there is nothing you have to do to make Jeremy proud of you. He would be proud of you - or is proud of you - exactly the way you are, here and now.

    This is the paradox: a masterpiece in the making is a beautiful masterpiece already... It's like with a tree: a full-grown tree is not more perfect or more masterful than it was when it was younger - it's just different.

    You have all kinds of reason to be proud of yourself (and that too goes for all of us :-))

    Many warm greetings -


  3. Halina,

    Thank you for your have only been reading for 3 weeks and managed to inspire and uplift me - thank you! I know that as long as I'm proud of myself, Jeremy is proud too. Thanks for that reminder.

    Many blessings.

  4. As Halina said, this is a beautiful metaphor. I also wanted to thank you for it. It is so fitting.

  5. You just explained what I have yet to be able to put into words. Those are my thoughts. Thanks for explaining to me how "I" feel. *smiling*