Thursday, March 11, 2010


spent the evening talking

to someone in the same predicament.

sometime during the call

i felt this incredible guilt,

realizing that i had driven

past the city



remains are housed

when i drove to/from

my cabin the tuesday of my fishing trip.

can’t believe i didn’t

think about this

as i drove past

the town.

what an asshole.

how could i not think

of this in the moment?

not sure what i would

have done if i


i wouldn’t have driven

to the funeral home.

or anything.

i just would have been

extra sad i suppose.

(so glad she’s not on my fireplace mantle or something. that would really suck).

the other thing

that contributed

to an awful day?

got a letter in the


the surgeon general sent

a certificate of appreciation with


name on it,

thanking her for

“giving the gift of life, health & hope”

she was an organ donor.

what the hell do they

expect me to do with this?

frame it, put it on my wall?


  1. I donated "stuff" to a university research center. My late husband had a rare genetic disease and doing this seemed appropriate and ... useful. They sent me a letter of thanks and a partial autopsy report, which I still have. Really don't know why. Could have lived without the "thanks" too.

    I think it gets back to the awkwardness that surrounds death in our country. We think something has to be said, acknowledged, mailed or broadcast or somehow the loss lacks meaning.

    Sometimes the best option is doing nothing.

    Oh, and the remains on the mantle thing? I couldn't do it either. But my second husband's late wife is sitting on a shelf somewhere in the storage room in our basement (for the record, he kept her there before I moved in too). The bucket turns up from time to time but always seems to go missing when he needs to find it.

  2. Not sure what to do with the certificate I got for Matt, either... WHY do they send that shit??

  3. I lost my husband a year ago today (to the hour)because he ran out of time waiting for a liver transplant. They send that notice because it is the gift of life for someone.