Thursday, March 18, 2010
the perfect single dad?
well, i’ve been talking to my best bud chrissy over at the storked! blog and we’ve spent a lot of time discussing the differences between single moms and single dads, and of course, dating. she wrote a little something interesting over on her page, with a quote from me that many will find controversial…
so…she asked for a quote,
"i realize that i’m in a privileged position as a single father, especially one made single by chance rather than choice. when/if i’m ever ready to date, there will be more than a few women standing in line. pretty impressive for a man with below-average looks and intellect. some women see in me the husband they wish they had, the father they never had, the man they hope they will someday meet and marry. and i’m not reading between any lines here. i get daily e-mails with those exact sentiments. here’s a public comment that was left on my blog just yesterday: “If my husband knew I crushed on you soooo much (he would be pissed, you are a KICK ASS DAD. I only wished J would care as much as you. The love that you express for Liz is something I could only hope for. You are the perfect daddy and husband.”
am i? i suppose i sound like the perfect man, a man who was/is a devoted husband, a great father, an all-around nice guy. why? ’cause what you read is what i write. and i’ve mythologized myself in my writing. yes, i’m all of the above, but i’m nowhere near perfect. society has also mythologized the good, single father. a man that steps up to his role as father is looked at in awe. single mothers? nothing remarkable about a single mom. they’re just doing “their” job. women are expected to be good mothers. men are expected to be, well, men. just look at k-fed.
soon after liz died i had friends warn me that i’d have tons of female admirers. i scoffed. i couldn’t believe that anyone would ever want to deal with me and my baggage (dead wife, brand new baby, etc). of course i was thinking like a man…what i didn’t realize is that the baggage i have as a single father is the kind of baggage some women want…a built-in family. flip this. how many men are willing to date a single woman with kids?
not too many, i suspect.