Friday, May 18, 2012


Monday will be the big day....

5 Years.

5 years since I last heard his voice..saw his face...heard "I love you...and I'm so in love with you, baby."

And in these 5 years I've learned just what it takes to be the "perfect" widow, and I'd like to share it with all of y'all:

  1. You must be imperfect.

  3. You must make mistakes.

  5. You must persevere.

  7. You must follow your heart.

  9. You must do so knowing that many will tell you you shouldn't.

  11. You must ignore them.

  13. You must find a reason to smile...

  15. Not that is not feasible...but more times then times you frown in a year will suffice.

  17. Being a widow is a title you should be proud of..

  19. Never forget that.

  21. You are amazing.

  23. Your spouses love will get you through the moments that you will feel are unbearable...

  25. Keep you heart open to feeling it.

  27. Life is short.

  29. Love is eternal.

  31. Repeat that to yourself each day.

And there you have it....ingredients to being the perfect widow.

It took me 5 years to realize and I'm sure I'll become more "perfect" along the way...but this is all I have for now.


  1. Just reading this brought a smile to my imperfect face.
    Really nice post! Thanks and hugs.

  2. You are perfect!
    Thanks for the reminder.
    Infused with hope.

  3. Thank you!! Needed this today!! Gives me hope.

  4. Thank you for this "mantra". I'm 9 weeks in and looking for guidance, this is helpful.
    Forwards I march, with your wisdom in mind today.

  5. Taryn, thank you so much, I always enjoy your unique point of view, and admire your courage and intelligence, plus, I'm also a dog lover. There is one thing I can't help but wonder, especially since you're at five years; are you in a new relationship yet, or considering it? Please don't take offense, I've just always been curious about where you are with that aspect of widowhood.

  6. Next Sunday--- May 27th will be my 5 years. Am debating if I can delete "THE phone call" from the hospital that came in the middle of the night, saying come at once, from my cell phone, to mark the milestone.

    I not sure if I can delete it until I understand why I've kept it. I never listen to it- just re-save it.

  7. BevB...
    your comment made me cry "I'm not sure I can delete it until I understand why I've kept it".

    I don't have the answer....i hear you though.

  8. Thank you.. I am just 9 weeks in also. It's seems to get harder not easier.. I appreciated your words!

  9. Taryn, thank you for your insightful words. I am trying to figure out what I can possibly say to a former Soldier of mine who just lost her husband in Afghanistan where they were deployed together. Although I feel I'd be lying if I told her that things get "better" over time since I'm all too aware that, five years later, there is no such thing as "better," I think I can rest easy telling her a few of the things you wrote without feeling like I'm leading her astray or putting a big bow on something that can't be neatly packaged and made to look pretty. So thank you. Much love, as always!

  10. Perfectly said Taryn... we should carry your words with us each and everyday. Thank you!!

  11. I'm new at this just six months so far. Each day I still almost hope there won't be a tomorrow, but when I see something like this it makes me feel, I am not alone! I am not going crazy! Other people have felt exactly like I am feeling, most importantly it reminds me that although the last six months feel like forever without my soul mate, that yes life is short, and that love is for eternity! The first words he will say to me, what took you so long, I love you! Then I will feel the arms I have waited forever it seems to feel wrap around me and once again I will finally feel whole!

  12. Hi Taryn,
    Thank you for publishing this, it makes me feel that others are like me. One thing I want to ask you: why should I be proud of being a widow? I hate it when I am referred to as a widow! I just hate it! I don't see why I should be proud. I would love it if I could say "I'm so-and-so's wife". Give me a reason to be proud of being a widow. Thanks again.

  13. Thank you for your stories,it has been three and a half years for me , this was a tough year. I don't think people know what forever is until it is gone .I work hard everyday to make it ok ,make things normal(what is normal). I have decided I will will miss my wonderful friend,soul mate and lover forever,but I will try to go beyond that grief!