|Inner Peace (Photo credit: d0.0b)|
Well meaning people tell me to find my "inner peace" as a way of dealing with my current anger over the unfairness of losing Greg.
Apparently I should just let things "be" and let the angst go and I will feel better.
Inherently, I know they are right ....
...but I am terrified.....
What if this is as good as it gets?
What happens when my children grow up and move out?
What happens when I am left on my own?
What happens when I know that I am not enough?
When I lost my husband, I lost my sense of self.
I lost who I am.
....who I was.
I lost a lot of other things too ....
I lost my religion.
I lost my faith.
I lost my ability to remember things.
I lost my confidence.
I lost my sense of worth.
I lost my femininity.
I lost my sense of fun.
I lost feeling unconditionally loved.
I lost knowing that I was somebody's somebody.
I have found some of those things again ... not many of them ... but some of them.
....and I have to hope that I will continue to find pieces of my old self and add in pieces of my new self
until I am me again.
Maybe then I can find my "inner peace" and know that if this is as good as it gets, that it will be OK.