“The relationship you have with the world is just like any other relationship. Every now and again, even if it’s pissed you off for no good reason, you have to look it in the eyes and say: I love you.” - Iain Thomas
I broke up with life in May of 2007.
For obvious reasons.
My soul mate was killed.
But as the days, months and years passed.
As the smiles grew from corner to corner, laughter escaped, inhaling was appreciated... we made up.
But then another loss. Another break up from the big L.
Then he wined and dined me and we made up. All past issues forgiven ;)
But the past 4 years, when May or December came around, I didn't just end our longstanding nuptials with a break up, but insisted on at least giving life the cold shoulder.
They're hard months with hard dates.
Not this year.
No.
Event though we've had are disagreements and what at times seemed like a total divorce, life and I have stuck it through.
'But how? Life has done some pretty messed up things to you?!'
I know. It's a question asked by many and many times by myself. Please, let me explain.
Life has its flaws. Undoubtedly. But so do I.
Life has sometimes made me question my very existence. But Life never Life never left my side as I figured it out for myself.
But enough about Life..I must admit my own discretions in our relationship.
I've hated Life with my very being. I've spit on it and told it to never come back. I threw its clothes to the curb. I've cursed it to all around me.
But through it all, Life consistently let me know that it was there for me. Life knew that it wasn't perfect, and most importantly, Life never gave up on me when I had given up on it and myself.
Life understood what I needed to realize for myself....
That it wasn't perfect, but it was something that many didn't even have the honor of having in its presence. That it couldn't give me everything, but if I were to reflect, I'd realize that it had and would give me more than I could have ever asked for or dreamed of.
This May (and after), I've made a pact with what I some thought to be a hellish relationship, to really opening my eyes to the utter beauty and unconditional love it has and will show me as long as I'm willing to embrace it.
Life is a gift/relationship denied by many (even by myself at times)....but no longer, hot stuff. I'm on to you and all that I blinded myself from seeing before.
I love you....and I'm so in love with you.
Taryn,
ReplyDeleteToday, May 4, 2013, the date I've been dreading for the past year. I lost my soul mate and love of my life. I didn't sleep at all last night thinking I have to be at the cemetery at 7:50 am (time of death) and light a candle in his memory and place flowers on his grave.
As I've mentioned previously, I attended Camp Widow East and had it not been for the SSLF, I don't think I would have made it. I will not let the death of my loved one suck me down but rather cherish the years I was blessed to have been with him. I will cherish every day of my life as we have all learned by now it is not a given. Life is precious and I pray I never waste another day of it looking to the past. Move forward, move on, just make certain your not moving backwards!
Thanks to all of you for sharing your thoughts and feelings with those of us who are newly widowed. It has sustained me through many difficult times. God Bless to All.
Reminds me of a quote "We come to love, not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly." Same thing applies to falling in love with life...learning to see the good in every thing. That's a tall order at times, for sure.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful. Awesome. Touching. Thank you, Taryn.
ReplyDeleteTaryn, this is it. There is nothing more to say. Thank you from all my loving heart!
ReplyDelete