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Today marks 6 months since my sweet friend Amy lost her husband, Jim.
I've thought about her constantly over the last few weeks, mostly cause my heart ached remembering what the 6 month mark felt like for me. Probably the darkest place of my life.
This past weekend for the holiday, we did our annual trip with my parents to Kentucky for a family reunion, then stopped at King's Island on our way home. This was one of the few trips in my adult life that I got to take with my brother, Brian. The trip just isn't the same without him there, and I ached for his son who came with us, because I know how much he misses his dad. And even though it wasn't a conversation we had out loud, I ached for my parents and the grief I know they still struggle with. Since we didn't go last year, this was the first time back since he died.
Grief has been present this week, but oddly enough, the majority of it wasn't my own. It made me recognize that grief really is everywhere. And even though in theory we all know this, when I really step back and take it all in, it can be overwhelming and humbling. I wasn't able to see anyone's grief but my own. Now, it feels like I absorb others.
My friends.
My parents.
The devastated families in Oklahoma.
My nephew.
My children.
People on the news I don't even know.
I am not the only one on this journey of grief - which is oddly comforting to know, but awful to understand.
"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."
This is so true for me, since losing my husband in October I find it very difficult to watch the news. I'm aware that bad things are happening but to have to listen to all the details is excruciating. It is important to keep a peacful calm environment in my home no matter how upside my life seems right now. I for sure feel connected to other people's pain. Grief has stretched my heart at the same time that it has broken it.
ReplyDeleteYes. Grief IS everywhere.
ReplyDeleteAnd it certainly is hard to not wallow in our own grief without seeing that many others are also struggling.
This is one of the several Best Things I got from joining a support group run by our local hospice after my husband died, the realization that grief is everywhere. It didn't start as Everywhere, it started as I'm Not The Only One Going Through This, but it has evolved to an awareness of it really is everywhere. And mostly unacknowledged and un-dealt-with.
ReplyDeleteMy name is Danna Duenas, i am 52, and a widow of suicide.I still have no idea after 7 of the longest months of my life WHY. Ifeel hopeless, an helpless.I am retired,10 yrs and now am forced back into working.I CANT FIND A JOB ANYWHERE.THERE SEEMS TO BE NO HELP FOR WIDOWS, My parents are passed.And i dont think i can take this...
ReplyDeleteI am 52 an a widow from suicide.It's been 7 months, I cant find a job that pays or gives me enough hours to even pay my bills.I lost my home ,i lost everything i had when i couldnt pay the storage bldng rent.I am staying on a friends couch.I dont know how much further i can push myself to move on.Nothing is working out.my so called friends who so kindly embraced me after my husbands death have done nothing but used me ,stole from me etc etc .I hate this , its not supposed to be like this .I cant take much more
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry Danna. Losing your husband, and also struggling with the financial aftermath is so, so difficult. Sending understanding, and hoping that the thoughts expressed here on this blog will be of some comfort to you.
ReplyDelete