Sunday, July 28, 2013
Bring On The Rain
Yesterday was my three year sadiversary.
I woke up yesterday and look outside. Of course it was raining, just like it has on July 27th for the last 4 years.
My brain took me back to July 26th, 2010.
This memory has been forgotten or locked away in my brain, for my own protection.
July 26th, 2010 is the day my husband went missing.
The detectives had called me and told me they had pinged my husband’s cell phone, pulled video surveillance, and knew my husband was up at the top of Snowbird (a local ski resort) somewhere. It was early in the day when they sent out search and rescue.
However, they told me they considered my sweet husband armed and dangerous..
That they could not use normal search and rescue… they had to use SWAT to look for him.
As the day wore on, no news came. I was hoping no news meant good news.
They called me that night around 8pm and told me it was snowing very heavily at Snowbird and they had to call off the search for the night.
I remember going to bed that night thinking about how my husband was in the mountains somewhere… getting snowed on in zero degree weather.. I was especially concerned because I had seen the video surveillance. My husband was wearing a light shirt, shorts and flip flops and was not carrying anything.. I knew he was not prepared for this weather.
I suddenly woke up at midnight. I sat up in bed, and instantly knew my husband was gone.
As weird as it sounds, I breathed a sigh of relief. I knew he wasn't suffering anymore. I was okay with the fact that my husband was gone.. because I had watched him suffer for so long. I felt selfish for asking him to fight for so long.
The next morning around 9am the detectives called me and said they needed to meet me. In my heart I already knew my husband was gone.. but hearing that the detectives needed to meet with me, cemented my gut feeling.
They came to my house and told me they had found his body.
The pain and screams that were released from my body.. scared me.
When the medical examiners report came back they ruled the day and time of my husband’s death midnight on July 27, 2010.
The same date and time I woke up in middle of the night and knew he was gone.
Every year since then it has rained or snowed on July 27th.
When I woke up yesterday and saw it was raining, I couldn't help but think about how ironic it is that it rains every year.
The rain brought back this memory.
Now I look at the rain on July 27th with a sigh of relief.
I miss my husband dearly but I do not miss seeing him suffer.
No one should have to suffer that badly.