It’s been a long time since I cried for three straight hours. I forgot how many rolls of toilet paper I can go through per hour. (Yes, I use toilet paper instead of Kleenex. TP is more efficient, less messy and much cheaper. When you are clocking nose blows at between 2 to 3 RPH – rolls per hour - cost matters.) I also forgot how bad the headaches can be.
Last night was all about saying goodbye yet again. Today at 4PM I finally hand the house keys to another person so last night some friends and I enjoyed one last hurrah at the house Maggie and I planned to live in for the rest of our lives. The phrase of the evening was “final paragraph of a chapter” followed by other phrases like “long, amazing story” and “exciting adventure.” Many memories were stirred up and stories were told. It was a wonderful gathering.
The house Maggie and I shared is so, so rich with legends, most of which involve wild parties, alcohol and ridiculous number of cars filling up the cul de sac we lived on. Other legends entail demonstrations of devotion, hope and love. A comparative few are stories of difficulty and sadness, but those thankfully are far outweighed by powerfully positive stories. That house has a positive karma energy buffer strong enough to withstand years of a love drought (although I hope that the new homeowners keep making positive karma deposits by building a fantastic life while living there.)
My new life with my new job and new condo downtown has kept me so incredibly busy that I’ve not had the opportunity to sit and reflect on the enormous changes that have happened. Maybe that’s a good thing. I often chided Maggie about a lack of pre-decision reflection. That girl was always a ready-fire-aim kind of gal. Somehow, despite the lack of reflection and premeditation, she sure managed to get a lot done in her short life including steal my heart. Maybe a little more fire and a little less aim would do me good. Actually, now that I’ve thought about it, I don’t really have time to sit here ponder. I have a lot of wonderful things I’ve got to git to gittin' done.
Not sure congratulations are in order, but it sounds like you had already moved and just needed the house to sell. I toy with the idea, but haven't made that decision yet. This place was our per-retirement home. We downsized and sold the Colorado home, moved to New Mexico and bought a condo in town. Laura got to enjoy it for less than a year, so not a lot of joint memories. Still it is hard living here, but it will be hard living anywhere without her.
ReplyDeletei've been following your adventure with great interest. we had moved 1000 miles away and built our retirement home. we were supposed to live here forever, but my husband died (at 58) of a massive heart attack 7 months after we moved in. it's been 2 1/2 years now and i still don't know if i should sell his dream house or not---it was more his dream than mine, i suppose. one door closes, another opens.
ReplyDeleteLove your forward movement, never forgetting, but continuing to walk.
ReplyDeleteMaking room in your life for more means letting go of some of the past. After three years since my spouse's death, I have found that letting go doesn't mean the past is forgotten. Instead, holding on to the past tightly doesn't let me grasp new experiences. So I am letting the past be past. And I treasure new experiences. New people and relationships can be fun and exhilarating. So can new places as I have found with my move. Good luck to you. I hope you continue to reach out and make room for new memories.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous
ReplyDeleteGood for you. I am one year into losing my husband. I live in the house we built 12 years ago and he was a pastor and we had a church. The church is for sale and I really do not won't to part with it - but I know I must. The people left after his death, and there is not a congregation and the church has a loan balance. I am in the house and I love it , but without him it is empty. I do not need too many more changes in my life. know what to do.