One thing I really miss about Greg is that, when I had a rough day, he would let me download to him and he would make things OK.
...and yesterday, I really needed to blurt out what an incredibly crappy day I had* and have someone tell me that it was done and that I was OK and that tomorrow was a new day.
But I didn't have anyone I could blather on to about the really shitty day I had, so I tossed and turned and worried all night, before metaphorically girding my loins and throwing myself into the lion's den again today (and thank goodness today was so much better than yesterday).
I know I could have phoned a friend, but this was not a rational conversation that I could inflict on anyone other than Greg who knew me so well he knew exactly how I was feeling and what I needed.
A man I knew so well I could download all of the angst in my brain without fear of offense, or misunderstanding, or over-sharing, or overwhelming him, or being judged.
Knowing that he would take my scattered thoughts and help me to reorganise them into something I could carry again.
Knowing he would help me see things in a new light and to gain a bit of perspective.
...and then he'd give me a hug and rub my back and tell me everything would be OK tomorrow....
* Yesterday involved: a day of party food (ie heavily artificially flavoured and coloured, sugary, fatty food) from the tuckshop at first break; a whole bunch of kids who reacted badly to all those flavours, colours and additives; an anaphylactic reaction to a food additive which was not checked thoroughly enough by the tuckshop lady; and lots of anxiety and other related behavioural problems in my bunch of challenging-but-charming kids.Oh ... and I still had to teach them and make sure they were learning - that's the easy part.
I often long for my person who would reassure me "it's all going to be okay"....girlfriends don't suffice bc they aren't attached to me or a part of my being so it's easy to say "what do you know?" I want my very own person who pats me, encourages me, tells me its all going to be ok because he's on watch, and then distracts me with whatever it takes to keep me from going down what he used to call the "death spiral." Little did he know what death spiral I would truly be going down one day......
ReplyDeleteI too sometimes just want to come home and have that amazing hug that told me everything would be alright. And in the middle of that hug, I knew it would. I so much miss those hugs
ReplyDeleteYeah. It sucks not having that ONE person to unload all your crap upon. My husband was the best listener I have ever met. And he was such a good friend. He was my anchor. I know exactly what you mean xo..
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