So much has happened in such a small amount of time that my head is spinning even as I type. I now live in downtown Austin with cars and people and dog walking and concrete which, for a country boy, is quite the change. I have a new job that’s challenging, engaging and, quite frankly, fun. Life is completely different than just a few weeks ago, let alone a month or a year ago. So much has changed. And I’m ok with all of it. A new world of possibilities has appeared in front of me and I’m happy to be right where I am. Wow, it’s been a long time since I’ve been able to say that.
Not for one second have I forgotten my past, my sweet wife, or my journey that brought me to where I am now. Yet, despite the relevance and overwhelming daily influence of it all, oddly, I can’t recall the last time I brought up my experience in conversation. I do use it as a little shit test when I’m faced with unpleasantries or difficult circumstances: Does what’s happening right now really mean diddly shit compared to watching my lovely wife slowly die? Pretty much 100% of the time, the answer to that question is “No” which makes it really easy not to get over involved in things that would previously wrap me up into a tangle. I guess that’s one of many consolation prizes – perspective.
It’s taken me a long time to get where I am right now. I’ll never be the same as I was before and I can’t say I’m very happy about the journey. But I’m happy that I’m here where I am right now starting over. Let the new life begin.
yes. the twisted glorious: new life, crap path.
ReplyDeleteI live in Austin... and LOVE it.... I think you will too... except it's so gosh darn HOT right now. Just wait till Winter though when the rest of the country is freezing and shoveling snow!
ReplyDelete"Does what’s happening right now really mean diddly shit compared to watching my lovely wife slowly die? Pretty much 100% of the time, the answer to that question is “No” " I relate 100% .... Perspective yes.
So happy for you! Love reading widows/widowers finding a new happiness. I find it but it doesn't stay long. Will I ever stop living the past. It's been friggin 5 yrs! I can't let him go.
ReplyDelete3.5 years for me and I am right with you!!!!
Delete15 months tomorrow my husband passed away suddenly from an undiagnosed Pulmonary Embolism. I feel like I'm "in limbo" because I'm trying to move on but I'm still dealing with legal and financial issues from my husband's sudden death. It helps me reading these other posts from people who have taken the steps to move forward. Congratulations on your new job/move and welcome to Texas!
DeleteLeslie...my 15th month mark was 8/8. I am exactly where you are! There is such comfort in knowing you are not alone:)
DeleteThank you.
DeleteAmazing Chris! Hope I can muster up the energy (and the guts) one day to find a new job and move to a new area. I really want to do it, but keep backing down.
ReplyDeleteYou sooooooooooo deserve to find happiness in this new world of yours. Your beautiful wife will never be forgotten!!!!
Thanks for the wonderful inspiration.
Kudos to you man...My wife died 02/2012 and like you I watched her waste away... Now I am in a new city and a new job as well ...since 05/2014.. I also remember the journey that brought me here ..not to a "new life" but rather to a "reset life".....Keep pushing on.
ReplyDelete"reset life" -I've never heard that term used before but it really applies to this situation.
DeleteI like the term "reset life"....that is what we have to learn to do...i never liked the term "moving on"...it implies leaving your loved one behind..and we cant do that.
DeleteAs a Cancer Survivor, I've already had a "New Normal". Now as a widow I have a "reset life". I'm glad I found this website because it offers so much hope and support from reading entries from others going through similar situations. Thank You.
DeleteChris, I am glad to see you feel some joy again! I must agree with you that I too so many times ask myself" What is this compared to....?" I have to say that not as bother by the little stuff anymore, which is one positive I hope to bring into another relationship when I am ready! The other is a much greater appreciation for the great little gestures of love shown to me that I use to take for granted! Ironic isn't it?
ReplyDeleteCongrats, Chris! I'm so happy to hear that things are going well. There was a quote on the SSLF FB page about hope being the knowledge that others have made it out the other side and it sounds like you have reached that point. Thanks for being an inspiration to those of us earlier in our journeys.
ReplyDeleteEnjoy Austin!
Chris,
ReplyDeleteI was a schoolmate of Maggie's. I've been following your writing for years.
I am overjoyed that you have once again found a happy place. YOU DESERVE IT!
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DeleteHey Chris, welcome to the area. =) I actually moved down from Dallas just a few months after my fiance' died (last summer). I'm doing a bit of the opposite though, a city girl who is now in the country, about an hour south of Austin. The change did me good, sounds like it's doing you good too! It's only been a year and a half for me... your new beginning gives me hop
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