Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Another Birthday ......


...... remembered, but not celebrated.

Jim would've been 54 today (as I write this it's Tuesday night).
Instead, he's forever 47.
And that sucks.
In more ways than one.

I hate that his birthday is so close to Christmas ...... which is so close to the day he died.
This time of the year can be one onslaught after another.
And yes, it still brings tears.

But it also brings warm memories.
Memories of baking spice cake for him every January 7th.
Memories of surprising him with a limo filled with friends ...... and a restaurant filled with more friends when he turned 40.
Memories of sitting around the table with the kids, having his favorite dinner of roast beef and mashed potatoes.
More memories than I can list.
Which is a pretty wonderful thing.

Yes, I could sit here and write about all of the things he's/I've/we've missed out on.
But that would only serve to make me feel depressed and worse than I want to feel at the end of this day.
So instead I'm going to focus on doing more than I thought I would do today.
I'm going to do more than remember him.

I am going to celebrate him.
I'm going to celebrate who he was, and who he still is.
I'm going to celebrate the time we had, for as long as we had it.

I'm going to celebrate love.
Because it never ends.

Long live love.


  1. Thinking of you today. Very pertinent post for me. Tomorrow (Thursday) is my John's 50th birthday - he died just over 3 months ago. Going to be a tough day but have plans with friends to remember him. Hoping, like you, to be able to celebrate him, who he was and the love that we had. x

    1. Thank you so much, flobiano. I appreciate your thoughts more than I can say. And I'm glad that this post was good timing for you. I hope that you have a wonderful time re-living memories about John with all of your friends. Cheers to you ..... and John. And the love that you had/have.

    2. I too decided to celebrate Joe's birthday on the 5th. He passed on Dec. 15th. I know it will be a difficult day so I have planned to have the family and a few close friends over for a meal and his favorite red velvet cake to celebrate his life. We can remember him and share our stories. I think it is going to be great! I am new to the blog, I just found it today. It is so nice to be able to share and hear others thoughts and feelings.

  2. Thanks for your post. Your mention of a 40th birthday brought back memories of my wife's 40th. She was a big cat lover and I bought 40 different cats from small game pieces to six inch stuffed animals. I then enlisted her co workers and asked them to put another cat on her desk when Laura wasn't looking. They had a lot of fun and so did Laura. It's nice to be reminded of that birthday. Thank you.

    1. Thank you, Paul, for commenting and sharing what you did for your wonderful wife's 40th. That was so cool to read. I'm so glad that you shared it with us.

  3. Yes, long live love. How nice to be able to focus on celebrating who he was, and what you had.

    Made it thru the holidays (...breathe...) heading towards date of death, our anniversary, and my birthday, where I'll be his age when he died. You get through one date, and another one is looming in front of you. Some days I just want to stay in bed until the day is over. I'm trying but it doesn't seem to be getting any easier. Thanks for reminding me to focus on what we had.

    1. Hi Cathy,
      Thank you for helping in the celebrating, rather than the being depressed.
      I'm glad that you made it through the holidays, and all of those special/horrible days for you. It will get easier. Slowly but surely.
      Until then, just stay in bed and know that's ok.
      Very ok.