Australian children have just come back from their 6-week summer holidays.
So have their teachers....
The first year after Greg died, I dreaded the Christmas holidays. All those long weeks of just me and the kids. NO trips away (every holiday doubles in price during the holidays as we all know). No will to do more than walk the tracks to the beach near our home and photograph things. ... and always the uncertainty of what work I could come back to.
I'm not sure that the second year was any better.
By the third year, I had some coping strategies - meet up with friends. Go to the parties you want to go to and skip the ones you don't. ...and I had a job to go to.
This year was the first summer holiday where I felt completely relaxed and OK in my own skin. I relaxed. I dreamed. I looked forward to doing things ....
Maybe this is me, getting used to not having Greg here.
Maybe this is me, feeling comfortable in my (now) permanent job that I would return to.
Maybe this is me, feeling excited about catching up with friends.
one in particular.......
I'm not sure what it is but I am so much calmer and happier than I was 4 short years ago.
You deserve that Amanda, I'm happy for you. Take every moment of contentment you can and enjoy your life.
ReplyDeleteMe too....I am calmer and more grown up and nº11 could be that I do not mind being alone, I have almost adapted to this state as "normal", and that I can still laugh and enjoy simple things. Well written Amanda!
ReplyDeleteMe as well. At the three year mark things really started to feel better. The first year was numb. There were so many things to be taken care of I was on auto pilot and like Joan Didion put it, it was a year of magical thinking, I think I only got through because I had children depending on me. The second year was about catching my pace and creating a life for my children and myself that was sustainable. The third year I was completely exhausted. I told my friends I felt like I had finally made it on to the lifeboat and I was catching my breath. At the end of that year I cried for three days, but then I felt myself wake up and now I am really feeling good, and creative. The creative side of me had been numbed by the pain, but now it is back and stronger than before.
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