Though I love to come here to share my thoughts, experiences and words, there are moments that I come across things that speak so poignantly that it must be given the space to spread to those who deserve to hear it.
This letter is one I found this evening that I know so many who have lost, struggled, hurt and suffered, should read.
Written by a stranger. But a human. Who has gone through who knows what in their lifetime.
May it impact you the way it has for me:
There will be days when the tears become waterfalls upon your cheeks Feelings cascading down your skin soaking you to the bone, to your soul.There will be nights when you are so overcome with the weight of being alive that you cannot sleep. You turn and toss in the sea of bed sheets. There will be years when the emotions you held in for so long, for too long, breakthrough in waves and currents that you have not yet learned to swim in.
Breathe my love. It’s okay to feel. It’s okay to be emotional. It’s okay to sit with the feelings and try to understand them. It’s okay to let them hug your body for a while, till you are ready for them to let go. And if it takes longer than most to say goodbye that’s okay. You feel what you feel till you don’t feel it anymore. It takes time. You will not drown in the ocean of emotion. You will float on your back and feel it all, every ripple, every wave as the sun leans in to kiss away your tears.
For every person that told you, “you’re too emotional” I stand before you with arms open wide and say it’s okay love, it’s okay to be emotional.
I love you,
Dele
I had a call this morning from a neice. After a couple words, she said I sounded like I was doing fine. I immediately got the 'emotional voice' and said no, I was just so, so sad (it's almost two years). She assured me I would be fine (again) in just a short time and started to tell me of her life.
ReplyDeleteI needed that 'it's okay to be emotional'' today--because my emotion is sad, sad, sad no matter how hard I try not to be.
My husband died suddenly of a heart attack 2-1/2 years ago and I'm still emotional and find it hard to accept that he's gone from my life. Today is a dark, rainy day and I've shed tears over aching for my husband; tears of sorrow and loneliness. The pain never goes away. I realized early on that family and friends don't want to hear about my pain and sorrow. I'm weary of hearing how strong I am and how time will heal my pain from people who haven't suffered the loss of their spouse.
ReplyDeleteI've passed the 3 year mark and yet I'm finding these days are harder than ever. That last sentence of the letter resonates so with me. I've held my emotions in all this time ... for the sake of others. I've been the positive one - in real life, online & on my blog - and everyone just thinks I'm so strong. I've created this facade that I can no longer escape, so I retreat to the safety of my home. Where I can be real. Where I can feel. Where I hope I can heal.
ReplyDelete"You feel what you feel till you don't feel it anymore". Afraid I will feel this way forever. And yes it is so hard to put up the facade that all is ok. I don't do it anymore. I, too, have retreated. Pretty easy to do when friends and family I thought would be there for me are gone. So tired of reaching out to them all the time, and not finding a helping hand. Thank goodness you all are here.
ReplyDeleteThank you for validating that at 2-1/2 years and 3 years, time has not healed the pain for us. I'm envious of those who post here and say that time has helped them. Time has lessened the amount of time I cry in agony over missing my husband and the knife-stabbing agony. The pain is still in my heart; a constant dull ache until I hear a song on the car radio and then the tears and agony instantly spring forth. I see couples everywhere and my heart instantly aches with the reminder that the love of my life is no longer here. I go to sleep at night and beg him to come to me in my dreams. I still ask God why he took my husband from me, why, why. Obviously, there are no answers just as there is no end to the pain and loneliness. God, how I miss the intimate, fun moments with my love beside me.
ReplyDeleteWouldn't it be lovely to have a place we "anonymous" widows could gather - those of us who for any number of reasons don't want to be identified when we post our true feelings?
ReplyDeleteThis is such a powerful letter, so supportive of the sea of feelings I found myself in. With welcoming attitudes like the writer expresses, it is possible to surface and get one's bearings in a new life. I love hearing from people with faith in us to find our own way. Thank you for sharing this!
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing this letter. I wish every widowed person could receive a copy and know that it is OK to just be wherever they find themselves on this journey and that there is no timeline.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for sharing this. Since I was a little girl, I have received the message that I was always "too" something… too shy, too emotional, I take too long to do things. It took me a long time to realize the source of that in my childhood - in fact, it took meeting my fiancé who VALUED all the ways I was "too" anything to begin to realize that they were not my weaknesses but my strengths. One of many gifts that he gave me before he passed.
ReplyDeleteBut it can still be hard to be an emotional person (I cry at movie previews even lol!) in a world that tells us to hide it away. So thank you for acknowledging that its okay.
I love this post. This Blog is such a safe place. Sarah, I was "too", too.
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