Monday, January 20, 2014


Friday was Dave's birthday. He would've been 41. I met him nearly 20 years ago. These three facts feel impossible. The day I met him feels like yesterday. I will always think of him as the 23 year old I first met. And his birthday keeps showing up to remind me that I'll soon be older than he ever got to be.

He was a sweet, chubby baby. His aunt found him irresistible and would go into his room even when he was sleeping to squeeze him.

He was a lefty and when he was very small, his parents would hand him a spoon to eat with - offering it to his right hand. He would just sit there, with the spoon in his hand until they finally thought to put it in his left hand and he could finally go to town with it.

Once when he was tiny, after being told that the family would not be having waffles that morning, he pointed at each of them in turn and squeeked "I hate you, and you, and you, and you." He really loved waffles. And pies. And doughnuts.

He was an old soul from the beginning, reminding his mom to wear her seatbelt when he was too small to put his own on himself.

He would save and scrimp to buy himself something and then find it on sale. He had a very simple taste in clothing and things. Safety and practicality were essential. He didn't abide by any foolishness or wastefulness. He would go to bed at night nearly fully dressed so he could be prepared in case of emergency. I never did figure out what he thought that emergency might be.

He worked his way through college, completely supporting himself. He was the most hardworking man I knew. He loved our cats with his entire heart. He could laugh at himself, especially if I laughed first.

He had a very unrefined palate. Anything a 5 year old would love to eat - that was his diet. Mac and cheese, chicken tenders, fries. Corn was his go-to veggie.
We almost always cooked separate meals because I had the adventurous palate.

He could use sign language. He'd sign "I love you" to me frequently. He'd finger spell certain words to me in public if he wanted to tell me secrets. He'd rather have been with me than anyone else on the planet.

After being with me, he was happiest in a boat or on the shore of a river, fishing. He owned more than one boat and about four thousand rods, reels, and tackle boxes full of lures and anything else you can imagine having to do with fishing.

He had a sweet soul and he loved me dearly.

On the 41st anniversary of his birth, I felt, yet again, how his very being is woven into mine. He is not physically here, but he is here, within me.

That's what happens when we go. We leave behind parts of us in those we loved.


  1. Thank you for sharing these beautiful pieces of your lovely husband with us xo

  2. Remembering back of things use to be gives us hope in the future. It keeps me in moving forward, even though I know it will never be the same. A very different life doing things by my self and the enjoyment is so much less.
    God Bless..

  3. I see why you love your Dave. And, yes, you will always carry him within you. Thanks for a glimpse of the man you miss so much.

    I will be the age my husband was when he died this April. Month after month there is always a trigger,,,date of death, birthday, anniversary...they all remind me to look back at what we had. Hard to look at today alone with so many yesterdays to remember.

    Take care, Cassie, and again, thanks for sharing here week after week.

  4. Cassie, what a beautiful tribute to Dave. He sounds like a unique, caring and truly wonderful man!!! I sent to you many hugs today as I have found the hardest days for me are his birthday and death date.... the beginning and the end of his physical life with me and our kids!

    Thanks you for sharing your heartfelt feelings about the man you love and miss!

  5. Thank you for writing today about your husband's birthday. My husband of 25 years passed away suddenly at age 52 on May 10, 2012 from an undiagnosed blood clot. His 54th birthday is coming up on February 18. My 16-year-old daughter & I are going to visit dear friends out of state during his birthday week. I think that will help us heal and be able to remember good memories of him with good friends who knew him for over 20 years.

  6. He is always with you and loved you dearly…. Find joy and comfort in that today. It's my joy each day as well as I remember my great love…..

  7. Truly beautiful and moving, Cass. As was your last post. So well written and after reading your words I cried a bit. Dave and I weren't close but for some reason, I felt his presence for a moment. The sense I got was contentment and peacefulness and then regret that I really never got to know him better. My loss, huh? Write on warrior woman! I am so glad your life is coming together so beautifully for you. Love and miss you.Sylvia

  8. I wholeheartedly agree that our loved ones remain within us. In life & in loss, the love between my husband and I was greater than the sum of its parts. We were so enriched through each other. I miss him so much.

    Your piece was beautifully written. thank you.