Friday, May 7, 2010

give me one reason

Photo by Algo
Also posted on Widow's Voice

You know the term "It happened for a reason"? I hate it. I have used it myself. But I hate it.
It seems to say that everything, good or bad, was supposed to happen to make way for some 'better' purpose. It's sappy and it sucks. It's almost up there with the "He's in a better place".
With this rationale, maybe because Jeff died, a cherubic little one was born into the loving arms of its' parents. Maybe he died to stop the excessive amount of fossil fuels being consumed by his gargantuan beast of a truck. Maybe he had learned all he was meant to in this lifetime and had to go to 'Heaven' to process it.
I say "BAA HUMBUG"! I hate to sound....evil, but those parents can have some other kid because I'd rather have my big hairy guy back. I would have let Jeff drive my little gas-meiser. And I can tell you, there were still a few things I had left to tell Jeff so he certainly didn't know it all yet.
I don't think there was any bloody reason. I think it just happened because it was 'meant' to. Good or bad, there was no 'reason'. It was just the way it was/is/will be.
And I think I just have to suck it up, pull up my socks and forget trying to find 'reasons', meanings or any other message hidden in his death. He's gone and it's the way our lives parted. Nothing I can do about it.
So I'll be a big girl (at least for a few moments) and carrying this backpack....and if there is any reason, I'll realize that it was to make me and our two little ones strong, empathetic and remind us to not take life and love for granted.


  1. Amen and amen!!! No reason at all .... it just happens. And it sucks.
    And we deal with it .... or not.
    Love the backpack.
    And this post.
    Thanks, Jackie.

  2. I don't know. If you let go of the idea that the effect of someone's death is somehow a personal affront, and that the effect of death ie: "the reason" is immediate or good or bad - then I am okay with the fact that my late husband's illness and death served a purpose.

    I suspect that the purpose was for him alone however and had nothing to do with me or our child though I don't necessarily buy into the Judeo-Christian idea that we die when we've learned/accomplished what we were supposed to - but's mostly because I think that our "selves" exist always and that we grow from one stage of our existence to the next with each stage as important as the one that came before.

    Some people feel better with the reason theory. Some don't. And ultimately, I don't believe it matters one way or the other.

  3. "It was just the way it was/is/will be."

    These are the tenses with which I have to learn to live.

    Not that my Dear died so something, some one else could be. The only "be" I know is my own misery that he is gone. Jackie, you've said what I think. The "he's in a better place" Dear loved his place by me. Jackie, I ride, and while horses move beautifully on their own, we ask them also to do so with a asking Baryshnikov to dance with a backpack, possible but not so simple. Thanks for your writing.