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They say a picture is worth 1000 words.
I've noticed lately that I always think I have more pictures of Jer than I actually do. The more time that passes without him and the older my kids get, the more I realize that all the pictures I have are not enough. No amount could have been enough. I was looking through pictures of Faith and thought surely there must have been a more current picture of her and her daddy together. But no, she was 4 when he died...she's about to be 7 in two weeks. Caleb was so tiny, and he's grown leaps and bounds and is the spitting image of his daddy...surely I have some recent evidence of that. They look so little in those pictures, and it always leaves me in shock that Jer hasn't gotten to see them grow since then.
There's no way I don't have pictures of Jeremy and Carter together, is there? I mean, Carter knows him by name and by face. He recognizes any picture of Jeremy...he's just not in any of them. How can there by a whole life breathed without one moment together? It's utterly heartbreaking.
After Jeremy died, I couldn't bring myself to take any pictures for awhile. It was too hard. But now, I understand how special and important they are. Even the most insignificant picture can tell a story that could mean the whole world to the right person. I am so thankful for all the pictures I have of Jeremy and our life together....I bet they're each worth significantly more than 1000 words.
If only 1000 words were enough.
I understand where you're coming from. I lost my partner Ron 10 months ago. We were not ones to take pictures (had often talked about getting a camera to catch moments, etc.). Then, after he died very suddenly, I had to get some pictures of Ron taken by a friend for the memorial service, etc. A few days later it hit me like a ton of bricks that I did not have ANY pictures of "us" together - nothing, nada... A friend made a picture of us together using photoshop and I cherish that, but it is still not the same. Such a hole in my loss to try to deal with (amongst many others). Yes my friend, a picture is worth way more than 1,000 words...
ReplyDeleteTed
beautifully written Vee.
ReplyDeleteHi, My is Jane and I lost my husband Dec 8 th 2009 on his birthday . I cant get out of the shock stage. I;m stuck there. I can have great days than all of the sudden i just break down and just want to stay in bed and not get up. Nothing seems to be helping. Any suggestions on how i could get over this hump. I would appreciate some advice. I been with him since 1980 and never lived alone. I keep on making bad choices from hiring people to work on my house and anything that could go wrong it always happens at once.
ReplyDeleteHi Jane,
DeleteI'm so glad that you found our web site ...... even though I'm so very sorry that you're in this "club" with us.
My husband died 2 years and 10 days before yours did (makes for a very sucky Christmas holiday, doesn't it?). That, as you well know, puts you at three-plus years.
I think it's a very good sign that you see that you seem to be "stuck" and are asking for help. Most people in that situation don't see it, so it just becomes worse.
I, too, had only ever been with my husband ...... and had never lived alone. We met when we were 20. He died (suddenly) when we were 47.
I think that the thing that helped me the most to not become stuck, was seeing a therapist/counselor. Have you tried that? If not, I would highly recommend it. He/she (I saw a woman) will help you to see things that will help you move forward.
I had no idea who to go to, so I asked a couple of friends for recommendations. I knew that they had seen someone when they needed help and that they could give me a couple of names. At first, I needed to see her with one of my sons, to help him. But he refused to cooperate so after 2 visits, she suggested that I see her alone, so that she could help me to help him. And she ended up helping me ...... help myself. It was one of the best choices I made (and I had also made some bad ones).
If you don't know anyone you could ask, and you attend a church/synagogue, you could call the church and ask the pastor/rabbi for a recommendation. If you don't attend one, you could still call one (or several) in your community and ask. I'm sure they'd be happy to give you some names.
You can also just use Google (or whatever search engine you like). The nice thing about checking the internet is that you can get reviews from people who have used that person. Then you can see how many people really liked her/him and what they had to say about their experience.
Good luck, Jane. I hope that you can find someone to help you get un-stuck. If you know any other widowed people you might talk to them, too. I think that most non-widowed people think that we help each other stay stuck (because they can't imagine a group of widows going out and having great conversations and fun, rather than crying all over the table!), but I've found that we all have a lot to offer each other. And we're great support systems.
Feel free to email me at jeggerstx@gmail.com if you'd like to talk further. I'm a great listener. Even though I know it appears that all I do is write a billion words.
Again, good luck. I hope to hear more from you.
:)