Friday, February 22, 2013
Grabbing at Small Things
I’ve not been shy about my February challenges. Last Thursday was yet another birthday without her. Next Thursday is our 9th wedding anniversary. Adding more spice, January this year was filled with its own new craptastic days. I really feel like I’m due some amazingly great things to balance this all out. But I suppose that’s the same ridiculous last minute mumble a soon-to-be-broken gambler utters as he slides what’s left of his life savings toward red after twenty bank-breaking ball bounces into black. Surely, after all this, it’s bound to turn around.
Well, I’m tired of waiting for it to turn around. I can’t change what happened last month. I can’t (and wouldn’t) change what happened 9 years ago. And if I wasn’t born 43 years ago on the 14th then you certainly wouldn’t be reading what I’m typing, for sure! So, to hell with it all! So how about some things I’m positive about?
Kali, who lived her entire life in Niko’s (my baby’s) shadow, has been spoiled rotten with love and treats since Niko’s Angel Day. Much to my surprise, she’s been learning every trick I’ve been teaching her (slowly). I always thought of her as, well, special in the kind of ride-the-short-bus and please-stop-eating-glue kind of way but maybe I’ve been wrong. No matter what, we’ve been having a great time bonding, playing Frisbee, learning tricks and just being buds. Yeah, it’s obvious at times that she misses her sister, just like I do, but we’ve been doing that together, too.
The garden is starting to come alive again. That means it’s time to start planting. Bring on the jalapeños, caladiums, hydrangeas, and lilies! Of course, there are sprinkler heads to repair and myriad dead plants to cut back, but spring is coming and with a little push it’ll be beautiful. I love putting down the little springlings and watching them bloom into wonderful plants. This year, I’m going to put down more flowering plants than I have in years.
Motorcycle weather is almost upon us. My beautiful beast of a bike has been sitting patiently waiting for some much-deserved attention. In just a week or two, I’ll be back on two wheels pissing off soccer moms and grumpy old men all over Austin again with my loud pipes. It’ll be fabulous! The road is calling me. There just might be a multi-day trip in my near future.
It’s going to be a good year. I’m going to make it a good year. You’ll see.
Yeah, I’m reaching. I’m grabbing at small things and I won’t stop. I know what great is and I’ll be back there again. I’m not sure when but I can tell you when I won’t give up and that’s today. Today is a great day, even if it’s just because the garden is growing and Kali and I play Frisbee together and I get to ride my motorcycle. Tomorrow, hell, I’ll do the same.
It has been almost four years now (four years in May, for those who are counting) and you’d think that by now it’d be like reflecting on when I skinned my knee back in ’09. At least that’s what people would like it to be. But it still hurts, although not as much. Now, it’s still a matter of redefining who I am. I can tell you this for sure: I’m not done yet.