Not our picnic, but one nearby.
Last Saturday, we had a picnic for Greg's Should Have Been 50th birthday.
In a miracle of the Climate Gods, the weather was perfect even though it had rained solidly for the weeks beforehand and every day since (and up to 150mm / 6 inches last night alone).
I
am glad we did it.
I'd forgotten who I'd invited, so as more and more people turned up, I was genuinely surprised and glad to see them. Old friends and workmates gathered and remembered in just the sort of relaxed chat-fest that was Greg's style.
I saw some people
who came to the funeral and then disappeared so I'm hoping that this
has reset their minds so they know they can talk to me.
The kids had a
great time and I enjoyed seeing everyone.
But by the next day I was a wreck....
...and then today I walked downstairs to find my garage and store room sitting in 2 inches of (thankfully clean) water.
and I broke.
I feel like I'm
100 years old, everything is heavy, I am so tired, the kids are moody
and I don't feel like doing anything.
...except I have had to throw away waterlogged things and try to move things out of the water.
I want to sleep for a week.
Yep - death week is here :(
... but I know it will pass and while I don't expect things to be "good", I know they will be OK again.
Small world: my late husband's 50th birthday would have been 2/23 as well. All I managed to do was slog through it. I had made his favorite birthday cake for my kids earlier in the month but that was all I could muster. Yesterday I gave myself permission to take a long nap since the grief was still heavy. I smiled when I looked at the clock when I woke up. It was 2:23. I'm ready to move slowly forward again.
ReplyDeleteGlad you had your picnic for Greg's birthday. Great idea, and happy the weather behaved for you.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry to hear about your flooding. I know it's so hard to deal with this stuff alone and just adds to your grief exponentially.
And I'm glad that you recognize that things will be OK again. (That's how I get through the times when I feel like giving up. Being able to recognize that I've felt better and I can feel better again helps me get through.)
"I saw some people who came to the funeral and then disappeared so I'm hoping that this has reset their minds so they know they can talk to me."
ReplyDeleteWouldn't that be nice, so many people tend to shy away from us just when we could use there support. I run into people all the time who say "I think about you so often"...but not a word do I hear from them. I don't get it, other than they don't want to be reminded that Doug died, and having anything to do with me reminds them of that.
Be strong, sleep if you must. You will awaken and go on.
Amanda, I am so glad you decided to have the party! What a wonderful tribute to Greg.
ReplyDeleteI echo Cathy's words as well..... "wouldn't that be nice..." if people came back. I don't get it either.
But, alas, fortunately we have each other in this cyber world of widow(er) hood! Thank you!!!!
My husbands "would have been 48" birthday is tomorrow. Im not looking forward to it at all. Much love to you xoxo.
ReplyDelete