Wednesday, February 13, 2013

There Have Been More Good ......

...... people in my life since Jim died than not-so-good people.

I hope that's true for all of us.

In the days following his death, my brother in law told me something that I've always remembered, and passed on to others.
"This (Jim's death) will bring out the worst in some people, and the best in others."
I have seen the very worst in a few people.  But only a few.

All of the other people in my life, which number too many to count, have been nothing but wonderful.  I have been grateful for their love and support and help since Day 1.
I would not be here without them.

And yes, life keeps moving forward and that means that even the people who love us ...... have to move forward, too.  They have to get back to their families and find their "normal" again.  Or maybe, like us, they find their "new normal".  Because the death of our loved ones affected more people than we know.  Deeply.

It's difficult to get used to our "new normal" by ourselves.  Even five years later it has its painful moments.
But sometimes ...... some very special times ...... it has moments of wonderfulness.

I found these on my doorstep today:

Someone snuck up to my door, having just barely missed me getting my mail.  They also just missed the guys picking up our trash.
And, most amazingly, they snuck in and out without setting my two large dogs off into a barking frenzy.
I still don't know how that was accomplished, let alone how I didn't notice anyone when I went out only moments before the flowers arrived.

I was very surprised.
To put it mildly.

This was with the flowers:

No signature was added.  No signed card was left.  No one rang the door bell.

But here's what this person did do:  she made my day (no, I don't know for certain that it was a she, but I'd be willing to place a rather large bet on that assumption).
She made my week.
Heck, she made my month.

I've always had wonderful people in my life.
And I still do.

In spite of the past 5 years ...... or maybe because of them ......
I am blessed.

And ...... I feel blessed.

And for the first time in five years, I don't feel sad or even angry that Valentine's Day is tomorrow.  Yes, I wish my Valentine were here.  I know we all do.  But for the first time, I feel glad for all of those who do have their loved one.  I hope they take the time to tell them how loved, appreciated and "not taken for granted" they are.  I hope they make the most of every minute with each other.

These flowers didn't make my feelings change about this holiday.  I had already realized that I didn't feel the same way this year.
But the flowers, and more importantly, the person who brought them ...... reinforced my wishes for other couples.
Besides that ...... she made me smile.
All day long.

So thank you ...... whoever you are (I have my suspicions:)
Thank you for thinking of me.

Actually ...... thank you for remembering me.
It means more than you know.


  1. It startled me and brought tears to my eyes when I saw the arrangement left on your was the exact arrangement (including the cover on the pot) I had left in our new apartment for my companion to find on Valentine's Day when we stopped in to show it to some friends (we were just in the process of having the carpets cleaned before moving in). After his sudden death on April 9th I didn't know what to do with the tulips - so I let them dry out, etc. and last fall planted the bulbs in the garden of those friends that were with us that day in the apartment...oh what a flood of memories...and what a special friend you have that left you the bouquet. Valentine's Day for me this year will be a visit to Ron's gravesite to leave some red roses and say a silent prayer. Life will go on, as I am glad to see it has for you, and I hope to eventually get to the place where I will remember Ron on these special days with a smile rather than a sigh... Thank you for sharing this special moment in your life with the rest of us that unfortunately find ourselves on this is a glimpse of the light at the end of the tunnel...


  2. Janine, your post resonated with me today!!! One day last week we had snow and I came out in the morning to find my car cleaned off. I stood at the door and cried but they weren't grief tears, but appreciation tears. For I know who did it and I am truly blessed with some super wonderful neighbors. My day was made as well, just like your surprise flowers.

    Yes, the good and bad in people.... mostly good for me.

    I wish I could say on a positive note that my third valentine's day will be easy, but I miss my Valentine so very, very much just like the rest of us!

    Thanks for your encouragement!

  3. This will be my second V-Day without my wife...."New Normal" is there such a thing.......

    1. Anon-
      Yes, there is ...... it just takes a while to find it. Sometimes a long while. Or maybe it's the accepting of it that takes the longest time. None if us want/wanted a new normal. Our old one was perfectly fine, thank you very much.
      But we didnt get a choice. It was thrust upon us. And it takes time to get to the place where we not only see the new normal, but come to terms with it. It takes a while for us to reach the point where we are able to make that choice. But it will be a choice.
      In the meantime ...... keep breathing. l

  4. You are so lucky to have such wonderful people in your life. I am bracing for one of the hardest days yet. Ron made every Valentine's Day Amazing. He would totally surprise me every year. Last year my daughter didn't want me to be without a surprise on my first Valentine's Day without him so she sent me a beautiful arrangement. I know there is nothing coming this year. I will feel his absence so much more tomorrow. Not that I don't feel it everyday but it will be more pronounced.

  5. I am inspired by your post. Something for me to aspire to... It's the 3rd V-Day for me. Not doing that great at the moment. Certainly missing my Valentine tonight. But... Hated Valentine's Day for the longest time -- My hubby and I had only 1 'normal' V-Day - in 1995, our 1st after being married. He sent me flowers to my job, which made my female boss super jealous. Then my Mom bought a flower shop later that year... So, we worked every single V-Day after that. Lots of long hours, logistics of childcare, much hard work of preparation & planning & managing workloads and careful execution of everyone else's floral bouquets. He didn't dare bring me flowers for V-Day, especially roses! Lol But he usually made it special for me on the day-after. My Mom depended on us to help her (me more than hubby). Then he exited to Heaven in 2010. Last 2 years @ the flower shop for V-Day were... different. Not especially horrible, but still... hated. Because he wasn't there to help with the logistics of picking up our son from school, etc., well, I couldn't put in as many hours. This year, I had to tell my Mom I wouldn't be able to help her @ the shop much at all as I have way too much work at my regular job... And tonight, on the usual 'stay-at-the-shop-til-it-all-gets-done" V-Day eve, I feel like a complete fish out of water. I had "hated" being there for so many years, and now that I can't be there, I'm rather disappointed. Weird, i know. But, well, that was our 'normal' for almost 20 years and now I'm not sure what to do with myself. This will be my Mom's last V-Day at the shop as she is closing the doors this Spring. It's a double-edged sword, a love-hate thing. Glad I'm not there, but wishing I was... Hmmm. "normal" isn't quite the right word. In any case, thanks for letting me share; I feel a little better having 'talked' with you. I wish you all a peace-filled, love-provoking V-Day. Blessings.