Thursday, September 30, 2010

happy birthday.

it wasn't the kind

of birthday celebration

i would have chosen,

for her

but then

there's very little

about this situation

that either one

of us would have.

but after three

of them

without her

this was by far

the best.

not because i'm

over what

happened or because

i've moved on

(i prefer the phrase, "moving through," implying an active process vs. one that is finished),

but because

the community that has

supported us since

it happened

came together to raise

money for others

like us.

i can honestly

tell you that i never

imagined i'd

be doing the things

that i've done

since that moment

in march 2008,

and i'm glad

i didn't do

what i've wanted

to do so often.

i didn't give up

then, and i haven't

given up since.

it's stupid

to even think

about, but if she could

just see the good

that has come

from so much

sadness, i know

she'd be

pretty fucking proud.


  1. I love it! I have made it through one birthday so far. It is not easy and "pushing through" is what it is for sure. Congrats on making her proud and you knowing you did it, that is such a big piece to acknowledge!

  2. Yes, proud and awed at your strength and tenacity.
    I just keep "moving through" one day at a time. Nothing I do is what I thought, we thought, it would be. . . . .
    What you have accomplished in your 3 years is remarkable, Matt.

  3. Yes, she would. And dare I say .... yes, she IS!
    I am, too, my friend.
    You've come a long way, haven't you?
    Haven't we all?

  4. I share the same just write them down better than I can. I also share the bittersweet joy that comes with achieving all the greatness that has come out of tragedy. No doubt they are proud of us, I'm still in disbelief at all that I have done, and never would have, if my husband were still alive. I also never knew I shared a birthday with your beloved Liz.