it wasn't the kind
of birthday celebration
i would have chosen,
for her
but then
there's very little
about this situation
that either one
of us would have.
but after three
of them
without her
this was by far
the best.
not because i'm
over what
happened or because
i've moved on
(i prefer the phrase, "moving through," implying an active process vs. one that is finished),
but because
the community that has
supported us since
it happened
came together to raise
money for others
like us.
i can honestly
tell you that i never
imagined i'd
be doing the things
that i've done
since that moment
in march 2008,
and i'm glad
i didn't do
what i've wanted
to do so often.
i didn't give up
then, and i haven't
given up since.
it's stupid
to even think
about, but if she could
just see the good
that has come
from so much
sadness, i know
she'd be
pretty fucking proud.
I love it! I have made it through one birthday so far. It is not easy and "pushing through" is what it is for sure. Congrats on making her proud and you knowing you did it, that is such a big piece to acknowledge!
ReplyDeleteYes, proud and awed at your strength and tenacity.
ReplyDeleteI just keep "moving through" one day at a time. Nothing I do is what I thought, we thought, it would be. . . . .
What you have accomplished in your 3 years is remarkable, Matt.
Yes, she would. And dare I say .... yes, she IS!
ReplyDeleteI am, too, my friend.
You've come a long way, haven't you?
Haven't we all?
I share the same thoughts...you just write them down better than I can. I also share the bittersweet joy that comes with achieving all the greatness that has come out of tragedy. No doubt they are proud of us, I'm still in disbelief at all that I have done, and never would have, if my husband were still alive. I also never knew I shared a birthday with your beloved Liz.
ReplyDelete