Sunday, September 5, 2010

Ours to Mine

Our wedding rings are no more.

His was so huge. My 6'6" husband had fingers that matched his size.
When he died, I removed his ring
and put it into the ring box that I kept my diamond in.

I don't remember when I took off my wedding bands.
Long enough so that wearing a ring on my "wedding" finger feels odd.

I needed something that would represent us, who we were, who we will always be.
Something that spoke to our commitment to each other, our fights, our love making, our sense of humor, our thought provoking, intelligent conversations.

Something that said moved 8 times, birthed two kids at home, had dogs, interrupted each other to read interesting or beautiful sentences from books. Something that said didn't like to be tickled, loved to be held, incredible father, kind, endearing, stubborn. Something that spoke of our love of Monty Python, riding race bikes and moving our bodies in any form of athleticism only because it felt good. Something that spoke to our competitiveness with each other. Something that held our dissatisfaction of the world and our desire and actions to make it better.

I needed something that would not get in the way of my committing to someone else, but something that would remind me that yes I was fiercely loved for exactly who I am.
Yes, I was worth the time.

Something that will give me hope to being loved like that again ... only differently.

And so I had our rings, his wedding band, my wedding band, the anniversary band and the diamond he gave me, I had them melted and put back together, differently.

Just like me.


  1. I envy you this decison, I am at 2yrs 2months and still wear my wedding ring, feel almost naked without it and yes like you I have his and comtemplate the day I will be comfortable with "revamping" yet, maybe never

  2. I understand this post so much. I struggled with this very same questions. I love your solution,although mine was different. My wedding band had been my grandparents, who were married 50 years and I was very close to. For me I thought I wanted to save the ring- his and mind for my daughter's.
    So I decided instead I would wear a ring with my husband's birth stone in it. Ultimately though I bought two rings. The other being a family ring with all of our birthstones. How could anyone be frightened off by that, since it represents the truth.

  3. LOVE this Kim! Not only a beautiful ring, but such a perfect reminder of all you were and that there is still so much life ahead for you. The ring is gorgeous and the style screams you!!

  4. I puy my wedding band on her finger, I took her diamonds out of her wedding ring and had them put in a man's ring which I then wore.

  5. I actually buried his ring with him. We had matching bands. He's been gone for three years now, but I still haven't taken mind off. I've been thinking about getting a ring that has both his and my birthstones in it to wear. I may take the ring off when and if I feel like dating. Right now I'm having fun with friends and don't feel like I need to date. Plus, I'm older and it doesn't seem to important to be committed to someone else.

  6. Francine
    I vacillate between wanting to have a committed relationship and not. Getting into another relationship just seems like so much energy, energy at 1 yr and 5 months that I don't think I have. Thanks for reminding me that I don't "have to."

  7. Love the idea of melting the bands together. For me I am not ready, I wear our bands around my neck and still wear my diamond & anniversary ring. Don't know when or even if I'll ever be able to take them off. I know a few ladies from my support group that had their husbands band shaped into a heart and they now wear as a pendant also a lovely idea. Thanks for sharing.

  8. Love the new ring, Kim. I had ours put together and put on a necklace.
    I knew when it was time ..... and like everything else on this road .... the timing is different for everyone.
    No comparing, no guilty feelings, no judgement.
    It is what it is.
    Different every single day for every single person.

  9. I love this post - and your ring is beautiful, Kim. I still wear my engagement ring, just as it was when we bought it 47 years ago. But it's on my right hand now; I wear my mother's wedding ring on my left hand since I remarried two years ago. Her ring is on my middle finger however; I couldn't get it sized down enough to wear it on my ring finger and still keep the diamonds intact. Oh, the changes we make, the solutions we come up with, all different, all just right - like us.

  10. What a great idea! How very creative and perfect. Well done.

  11. How fitting that I would find this site, and this blog today. Just last night I was looking for something, and ran across my wedding ring. I removed it from my hand 5 years after the passing of my wife, and now a little over a year later, sometimes still feel guilty. Thanks to all of you, I now have some incredable ideas.. Thank You so very much, Tony P