One of the many hills Michael conquered.
Active Lifestyle....
I lived one.
I ran 5 days a week, did ab workout DVDs, went biking with Michael, and a little more here and there.
Now in comparison to Michael, I was sedentary, but he was my motivation to do that which I was active in to begin with.
Self care was something he was a huge advocate of, and feeling and looking my best made me feel great inside and out. Plus, it made me even prouder to stand next to my husband and be introduced as his wife.
Then it happened.
He was killed.
Suddenly I thought, "Screw it all." I went out and ate everything I had cut from my diet. Steak, blizzards, Big Macs. I stopped caring about my it all, and hoped if anything, this lifestyle would make me see Michael sooner.
Well, it probably would, but with me looking like a sea world exhibition. Looking like someone he wouldn't know...and I probably wouldn't know either.
So I started. Started eating healthier, returning to a daily exercise routine, taking my dogs for that walk that their tales begged for.
It's taken a while and I've just recently started pushing myself back to the level I was at when Michael was alive. I've moved from the elliptical to pavement and from hula hooping to weight lifting, but it's happening.
So blinded by my grief and his death, I forgot me, I forgot the person he loves, I forgot that I am a living example of the man I am so in love with.
I feel him when I run, I feel him when I think I want to give up, I feel him when I look in the mirror, knowing he'd be standing next to me smiling.
Piece by piece his Taryn, my Taryn, is returning...and damn...it feels great.
A picture Michael took of me after a steep climb on the bike. When I reached the top, seeing him there made it all worth it.
ME too! I say I gave up trying too. But I know I must begin to take care of myself again, but it is hard. I know in the end it is what he would want, but I still want him here to see it. Yet, If I ever hope to have a life again I must be the one to do it. He was the one who knew how to have fun and go on adventures. I use to call them his "kicks"-his latest interests. Always something new different he would emmerce himself in until he really became a sort of expert. I was one of those things people remembered about him and admired. I just hope I can learn todo this myself to be a good example for my children.
ReplyDeleteDitto! I also felt the same way, same thoughts too...well it's a year later and I'm finally at the point I need to do something, I don't like my weight that went on so easily, and since it looks like I'll be around awhile, my other way of thinking wasn't working, it's time to make a change, but it's taken this long to feel the desire to change and do something for myself. He would always support me and it's going to be much harder not having my other half cheering me on this time.
ReplyDelete"Seeing him at the top made it all worth it." I'm at a place in my own journey where I know and feel it's time to get back to me. I look at the woman I've become in the mirror and I don't recognize her anymore. Your words are so inspiring... Thank you! I know someday I'll see my husband at the top of another 'hill' someday, and I want him to be proud of who I am because I chose to Love & be the best I could be.
ReplyDeleteI still don't want to be here, but I had the opportunity to make a donation to the American Heart Association and receive a 45 day membership to the gym. Since my 45 days would end just a couple of days after his birthday, I decided to make that my birthday gift to him this year. He always worried about my health, and while I have no desire to prolong my life, I know he'd have appreciated this, so I'm doing it.
ReplyDeletewow, this is how I'm feeling today. I wasn't as active as you, but I felt healthy and desirable. Today I sit feeling so undesirable and at 45 if I don't feel good, no one will ever see it. I have serious motivation problems and sometimes I think that if I keep the weight on, I won't have to deal with the possibility of another person to love and maybe lose. It's been 5 years since my husband died and I am lonely, but looking like a frump isn't helping anymore. A new day and your article brings hope and motivation! Thanks!
ReplyDeleteOh man, this is an arrow straight through my heart. I, too, have given up. Not that I was ever mistaken for a weekend warrior or anything but Duane was always so worried about MY health. Even though he is 11 years older than me we always assumed I'd die first due to my poor lifestyle. It's only gotten worse since he died.
ReplyDeleteTaryn, thank you so much. Your wisdom will be my new motivation. I appreciate you so much.