Wednesday, June 12, 2013

You'll Have To Forgive Me ......

...... well, I suppose you don't really have to, but it would be nice if you would.

It is now 2:30 a.m. (Central Time, which is my time).
A realtor friend is coming over tomorrow to look over my house.  And you know what that means.
But if you don't, that means that I needed to clean up a bit.
And by a bit, I mean my third son's room (he left town this morning, which means that it was the safest time to go in there and do that, if you get my drift).
Ummmmm, yeah.

I went upstairs at 10:30.
I just now came down.
For the first time.
Since 10:30.
You do the math.

It's a good thing he's out of town or he might have been hurt.
Or maybe just yelled at.
A lot.

Anyway, since it's so very late early, I'm totally copping out and re-posting.
I know, I know ...... that's so un-classy for a blog writer.
But there you go.
Pretty much un-classy.

This is a post that I wrote on my personal blog when I was 5 months out.  It occurred on Son #1's birthday, which also happened to be the day before what should have been my 25th anniversary.

I know that many of you will be able to relate.

So here it is ...... classless and all.

A Little Bit Legal ...... And a Whole Lotta Crazy

Here is the proud daddy with Son #1, eighteen years ago. Just a few hours before I got peed in the face.  Ahhhh, boys.

Well, a few momentous occasions down, a couple more to go. Tomorrow is our 25th anniversary. Words cannot express what I am feeling.

Today, Daughters #2 & #3, my mom and I celebrated Jim by doing something totally nuts. Yes, we did indeed get tattoos (Daughter #1 got hers a few weeks ago). 
Jim is up in heaven having a conniption fit. But heck, I figure it's his fault. If he were still here there's no way I'd have done this. 
But he's not, and I did.

Here's the beginning. Not so bad .... at first. And then, I tried really, really hard to not cry. I didn't, but I had to do a lot of Lamaze breathing to get through it. And squeeze all of the blood out of Daughter #1's hand.

This is the finished product. It's Jim's signature (too cool how they can replicate that) on top of a heart. Underneath the heart is the verse from our wedding, Song of Songs 8:7. 

This is Daughter #2 getting hers done. I didn't get a very good picture, but it says "Wherever they'll grow" with a picture of a forget-me-not. For those of you who were at Jim's memorial, it's what she spoke about (she wants to be like her dad -- she hopes that when she's gone it may be said of her that she plucked out thistles and planted flowers wherever they would grow).

And here's Daughter #3. She decided to break hers up and put one on each wrist. On one she has the Hebrew letters spelling Yaweh. On the other is a verse that has meant a lot to her since December: 1 Corinthians 15:19.

So there you have it --- the path to insanity caught on film. But we like them. They mean a lot to us, more than I've even written here. It's like still having Jim as a part of me, literally.
It was the most permanent thing I could think of doing that would still make him a part of me.
Difficult to explain ...... unless you're in this club no one wants to join.

Oh, and my mom got one, too! See ...... we're all crazy!! She got a daisy on her shoulder. It's cute. Three generations of tattooed women.
I wonder what's next?!

So there you go ...... a re-post.
My humblest apologies.

As for wondering what was next ...... wow.  It's been a very full (and not usually in a good way, at least in the first 2 or so) 5 years.
And I still wonder.


  1. I'm glad you reposted this. Because three weeks ago, I too, bit the bullet and got a tattoo myself in honor of my beloved. He died 28 months ago and I've been praying the past two years about how to honor him in this way. When I finally came up with what design was just right, I made my appointment and did it. It is a heart symbol for our love, an anchor in the heart (he was on a sailing team) for our faith that I am grounded in, and then I have the words written in his won writing "Stay the Course" as a reminder for hope in the future. I LOVE it! It is probably the most "rebellious" thing I have ever done. So empowering. I too, got mine on the inside of my wrist/forearm. Everytime I look at it I am reminded of him, me, we and the future - a future that I really am not looking forward to without him, but know that I must press on and stay the course. Thanks again for validating my actions - not that I needed it on this one - I was set in my own mind; but nice to hear others stories. My daughter is going for hers (LOVE written in his own writing) and my son already had a full sleeve with his Dad included on it, never knowing one day his Dad wouldn't be here:( Boo to death.

    1. MJay,
      Your tattoo sounds wonderful!!! I'd love to see a picture of it. Ditto on the most rebellious thing you've done. Which is pretty hilarious, if you stop to think about it.
      I think that means we're both due a bit more.

  2. The timing of your post couldn't be better for me. I am thinking of getting his initials tattooed on the palm side of my ring finger on my left hand. Because of your tattoo I might put the initials in a heart. I never was interested in getting a tattoo but I want his initials there so that if I ever remarry he is always there on that finger. He would also have a conniption (I am not sure of spelling) fit, lol. He hated tattooes.

    1. Yvette,
      I would NEVER have gotten a tattoo .... had Jim not died before me. But his death changed so many things, especially me. We had told our children that there would be no tattoos on their bodies as long as they needed our money to support themselves (i.e. through college). But all of that changed when he died ... of course.
      I couldn't think of anything more permanent to do, to keep him with me.
      I love the way you're thinking of getting a tattoo. Though I hear that it's very difficult to put them on fingers, and that they might not last as long there.
      I have no idea if that's true .... it's just what my children have passed on.
      I say Go For It!!!!!
      They can both have their conniption fits together up there! :)

  3. are a brave bunch of women! I don't have an aversion to body art in small doses but I have a huge aversion to pain lol. It is very special to have done this with your daughters.

    1. Kathie,
      I, too, have a huge aversion to pain. And although this did hurt, the whole thing lasted about 5 minutes. I came close to stopping it ... not knowing how close it was to being done, but I hung in there.
      I figure, heck ...... I've given birth to 6 children. I can certainly put up with the pain of a tattoo.
      Well, for 5 minutes anyway.

  4. Don't apologize for re posting - it's a great post! I actually remember reading it when I first "found" your blog. I have never liked the idea of a tattoo. Dave wanted to get a small basketball on his calf - i wouldn't let him. How small and ridiculous of me, I know. Now, I would love to get one. I have many cards he sent me saved, and I would love to have his handwriting copied, just maybe an "I love you, Dave", probably on my ankle somewhere. I keep telling myself it will be my "reward" to myself if/when I ever lose the weight I have gained since he died. Might have to start working harder on that. And of course bring you with me for moral support! (and so I can squeeze the blood out of your hand - Emily is terrified of needles - would never go with me!!!)

  5. It's 12 months for me today, and I'm another one looking at a tattoo, and he's another husband who would have had a conniption fit! He HATED ink! I'm looking at a shamrock (his birthday was March 17), plus our key dates underneath - 11 June 2008 (met); 4 June 2011 (married); 14 June 2012 (passed) on a similar placement to yours. I might try and find his signature, too - hadn't thought of that. After seeing what your daughter did 'splitting' the tat, I may add something on the left wrist, one from our wedding and maybe Prov 31:25.

    1. Kerryl,
      I say go for it. He's not here so he can have all the conniption fits he wants. He can join Jim in commiserating over it all. Whatever.
      If this is something you want to do then I wish you well and hope that it means as much to you as mine does to me.
      One suggestion: use a Sharpie marker to draw the picture that you want, where you want it. Then you can live with it for a while and see how you like it.
      I tried it on my ankle, my foot, and both wrists before I decided.
      I wanted it to be where I could see it and it wouldn't be that obvious to others. It was for me, and only me.
      Good luck!

  6. Janine,
    I never thought seriously about getting a tattoo. Until now. I'm thinking of getting Wayne's signature... lol Sorry, I'm a master copier... I probably won't do it, but I want you to know, that you inspire me and give me hope.



    1. Diane,
      Thank you for your very kind words. I'm so glad that we've met and been able to hang out a bit. :)
      Copy all you want. One of my widow friends here did the same thing. She copied my tattoo and copied how I had our rings made into a necklace.
      My reaction? I think that's great. We should do whatever we feel like doing, no matter who's done it before.
      Besides, it's very flattering to have someone copy something you've done. :)
      Much love!

  7. For what it's worth, I've also seen people find the word "love" in their loved one's handwriting and have that done ... I think they all look great!