Friday, October 15, 2010

Don't Die

"Hi, its me. I forgot to ask you to be sure you ride in the second or third car of the train. Thanks."
"Wow, you are awfully close to the side of the road. Don't get hit by a car."
"Bike ride? Um, sure that sounds like a good idea. Are you going out alone?"
"Hi, you said you'd be home around three and it is three-thirty now. Just checking in. Can you call me as soon as you get this? Thanks."
"Have fun. Be careful. Drive Safely. Call me when you get there. Love you. Don't forget to call."

I have never been an overly protective person in a relationship. Generally speaking I am aware that living life is a risk. Now I can add to that bit of wisdom the fact hat no matter how careful you are, how often you go to the doctor, whether you exercise regularly or sit on the coach eating bon-bons all day, wrap yourself in protective gear and never do anything deemed dangerous by any are still going to die. Cancer strikes the healthy vegan; heart attacks kill runners as well as smokers as well as those who have never touched a cigarette; very strong athletic people who obey all traffic laws get hit and killed by cars; and accidents of all sorts end the lives of the unsuspecting.

So when my new husband walks out the door, I sometimes take a deep breath remembering when Phil last walked out the door. Phil never came back. I try not to project one situation onto the other. I remind myself that I can't control the things that happen in life and will have to roll with whatever punches life delivers. But I have to tell you this, sometimes the things I know scare the hell out of me.


  1. I can so see myself doing this...I'm not in this scenario yet, but it's a good reminder. Thank you! And Congratulations!!!

  2. I used to do that all the time with David. I trusted him out in the big bright was everyone else I was wary of!

  3. I read an article in a magazine last fall, 6 months after my husband died talking about all the things you could do to make you live till 100. Almost top of the list was "floss your teeth". My husband did this everyday from a report he had heard a few years earlier. Didn't help him. I laugh off these articles now - They are wake up calls for those who have blinders on in their life and think it won't happen to them. ...People, be smart and Live and Cherish each and every day! :)

  4. This piece hits the mark with me this week. Today is my son's 6th birthday...five days after he was born, my husband was diagnosed with stage iv pancreatic cancer. I can't separate the two events. So every year when his birthday comes, I get this sense of dread that something bad is on it's way to hurt me again.

  5. I think it is so easy for us as widows to become filled with fear about all kinds of things.My daughter started driving this year and it took all I had to let her drive. everytime she walks out the door I have that feeling, especially when her sister goes with her, but then I can hear my late husbands voice in my ear saying she has to grow up sometimes let her go. He took risks in his last days in life, because he knew he would not get may not get the chance again. i think that is the lesson as widows we must learn that we must do things, because we may not get the chance to tomorrow.

  6. I was terribly fearful in the beginning. Now, I no longer panic when my husband is a bit late or when he heads off on an errand into the city. It took a while though.