Saturday, October 30, 2010


I've always taken my own path. I like the fresh, uncharted dirt beneath my feet, the barren terrain of land not crossed by others. Yes, as Michael would say, I lived in the clouds, a world of my own, but he never tried to change that, and in all honesty, I think it's one of the things he loved so much about me. It's the Christopher Columbus in me, which did lead me to him to begin with.


After Michael died though, I forgot about this land, the trail of life I was blazing. Soon my life became consumed by the "What would Michael want me to do?" I had lost my inner compass, my sense of direction, and leaned on Michael to show me the way.


This sustained me for a little while, but I felt Michael fading more in presence.


Then it hit me. How or why would I feel his presence and guidance when I was losing and forgetting that I was my guide all along. I was losing me, in this pursuit to let go of my steering wheel, hold my hands up and expect for there not to be a crash.


Once I realized that to continue on my journey to him, my journey through this life without him, my journey, I had reclaim that girl that "lived in the clouds". That girl that had a machete in one hand to cut her way through an alien world.


I've found her. Piece by piece, new and old me's, gleam beneath the gravel of life they've been hidden in.


It feels good. To have that compass inside of me working. It feels good to know that at the end of my pioneering this life before me I'll be with my soul mate.


I remembered that the only phrase I needed to ask myself the whole time, "What would Taryn do?" and it's a phrase that has brought his loving presence back into my life more powerful than ever.


There is great meaning in life for those who are willing to journey.

-Jim England


  1. You go girl! Your post was exactly what I needed to hear this week. Thank you for letting me know it is ok to feel this way. Taryn, you are absolutely right, this is what my husband would be wanting me to do. I feel like i am starting to find my compass also and think about really makes me happy, be it a new adventure, developing my photography skills, or learning new things. I met Jeff on adventure and this was what drew us together and what we admired about each other.

  2. Taryn
    You have such awesome way with words. Thank You for sharing your inner thoughts as you continue your journey. Thank You for sharing your Hero with a grateful nation. Thank You for all your sacrifices
    A Thankful Vietnam Vet

  3. Taryn,
    Thank you so much for sharing and for all that you do. I only wish that 9 years, 2 months ago I had found a group that I could really discuss my feelings with.