Thursday, October 28, 2010


it's gone.

but how could it be?

i was just there

a month ago...

it had been there

since before my

memories of this city

were actual experiences.

close to 9 years.

we used to go there

when we lived in

the neighborhood.

almost every saturday

or sunday,

we'd sit under the

awning, on the sidewalk

listening to the cars

drive by, watching

the hipsters check

their look in the

reflection in the glass,



fulfilling that promise

we made to one another

that we would

never become that couple

who sat across the

the table from one

another, reading the

newspaper in silence,

speaking only

when one wanted

the other to pass

a certain section.

i can remember us

there, that first morning

after i returned

from india,

a short walk from our

apartment, i stumbled a bit

because the clock

had knocked me around.

we sat there

sipping tea,

and i told her

about my last day there,

and the cake in

my face, and

the gifts i was given

and the friends i

would miss.

i told her

i'd never leave her


she liked that.

months later i would

go again,

and we both

would be sad,

even though we both

knew it was

the best thing

for our future.

i would come back

and go again

and again

and again.

thankfully i

skipped the

trip i was

supposed to take

on the day

that she died.


i remembered all of this

in an instant

as i drove by another

place, another thing

that is no longer here.


  1. We were visiting the city that he and lived in and stayed at a hotel right by a strip mall where the indie coffee shop we frequented was located. I was looking forward to stopping in. The owners had been so kind to him when so many people avoided him or treated him like a freak.

    But it was gone. Driven out of business by a new Starbucks nearby, I guess.

    I'm a landmarks person. Street names and google maps mean nothing to me, but buildings are different. They are like the pictures in a scrapbook. Tangible with memory. But reminders too that time has passed and changed them - just like us.

  2. Matt, one thing that happened to me that I will alwys remeber.I was traveling down the road I had traved down a dozen times, before after his death, and all of a sudden it all came back to me how many times we had traveled down that road together. And I cried realizing he would never travel down this road again with me. Did it at least a dozen times, before it hit me. Funny how that can happen to you!